Life – Page 7 – lee-lawmaster.com

The Brightest Burn Out the Quickest

My father was the person who never gave up on me in life. Due to his own personal issues, I faced a lot of pain and mental anguish but he was always there and never questioning. When I became an adult, I made the realization that he was doing the best he could with the tools he had and forgave any transgressions I had.

From as early as I can remember, he was my buddy. We did everything together. I formed a lot of myself in his image. To this day people that knew him even sometimes call me by his name.

He gave me gifts that I still treasure to this day. The love of the open road, the beauty of music and comedy and I’m just starting to embrace his love of being a people person.

He was an amazing grandparent and loved his grand daughters more than I ever knew he could. While he was nervous with Taylor, primarily because he never had a daughter. But when Amelia came around, he welcomed her with open arms. It was a beautiful thing to see them love each other in the way a grandparent-grandchild should. It was one of the things that actually gave me a deep love for having children.

Dad grew up without a father, and very poor. While he never spoke with me about it directly, I can only imagine that is why he was such a good father and provider for me. He always jumped head first into anything I became excited about and would support me in any way doing so. I often question my own parenting abilities based on his example.

He was a hard working man his entire life, working sometimes 36 hours straight while I was a child. The last decade of his life he worked in a custodial role at IU at night, while taking film classes at IU during the day. A passion he had and kept his entire life. He dreamed of becoming a Stanley Kubrick. He became a kid with the thoughts of the film making process. He loved using his grand daughters as subjects for his films.

When I got my first full time job in 8 years, dad was so proud that he made an announcement in front of our family at Thanksgiving. That would be the last time I saw my father alive.

My stepmother, for whom many of my struggles as a child were caused by did a complete turn and seemed genuine for the first time since I can remember. She involved me in much of the process, and paid for everything. She provided me with an inheritance and I am now the proud owner of dad’s truck. Most of my memories of him were of our times in a vehicle. So it means a lot to me.

We were never a father/son combo that said “I Love You” to each other much. It was just always known and didn’t have to be said. But I wanted to see it and be reminded of it for the rest of my life. So I found a card that he wrote to me while I was at a camp as a teenager, and got the words he wrote tattooed on my left forearm.

Try to do me proud. This is ol’ Dad signing off. Love, Dad

Looking back, his death was a watershed moment in my life. It was the moment when I decided that I no longer wanted my mother in my life. Even though she was the only parent I had left. It was the moment when I felt like much of the world I had built around me wasn’t as genuine as it appeared. He was the glue that held many things in my life together, without him those walls started falling.

Rest in peace dad. You star was very bright, and I know it’s shining down on me. I miss you, and will so forever.

Flying Through Time

I wanted to do something big for my 30th birthday. The original plan was skydiving, but I weigh too much. My fabulous wife found something almost as good, a guy in Madison Indiana flys people in his open cockpit bi-plane. With him you can just fly, do some aerobatics, and even take “the stick” and fly the plane.

Unfortunately with our hectic schedule, making this a reality became too much for us to handle and that idea was eventually scrapped.

Fortunately our airport often hosts airplanes that travel the country and offer flights. These are not just cessna’s, but historical airplanes. Last fall we checked out the WWII B17 bomber. While I would have loved to, we could not afford the flight as the $450 price was just too much.

It’s an amazing piece of avionic history. We actually climbed through the plane, which has very tight quarters. It was made even more difficult by to us carrying a 1 year old through it.

Last month a Ford Tri-Motor came, and this time the price was very reasonable.

This plane was one of the planes that started commercial aviation, just to have the opportunity blew me away. This was also the first time I had ever flown from my local airport.

Our flight path was simple and took less time than I had expected. We flew to the south side of Bloomington, near where old 37 and new 37 meet. We then turned north and headed to 2nd street where we flew between 2nd and 3rd street back to the airport.

Due to the proximity of my home to the airport, I got a picture of my neighborhood(if you look at the hi-res version you can see fires & tree damage from the tornado)! We see planes take off and come in for landings all the time, but I had never got to see the plane’s perspective before.

Planes today hold hundreds of passengers, this one only held 9. The cabin was tight, but I felt more comfortable in this plane than in our modern counterparts. I was sitting in the very back, a seat that was reserved for the “steward” was the only thing behind me.

I was busy while we were in the air. I had my camera and an iPhone; I was utilizing all of their capabilities. I even tweeted mid-flight!

I say this often, and I can’t reiterate it enough. Without the past, we have no future. I have to give thanks to the EAA AirVenture Museum for giving me this opportunity. I greatly appreciated it.

I’ll leave you with our landing. If you notice when we touch down, the wheel on my side doesn’t touch for a while!

The Little Girl Isn’t Dead

This is a continuation of my last post, The Little Girl is Dead.

While on our short vacation, my mind refused me the opportunity to forget about what was going on at home. Instead it kept thinking about that phrase that was etched into my mind that night. I kept running scenarios in my head about my girls; I didn’t like to, but I had to.

I felt bad for everyone who had been affected by this storm, especially the less fortunate ones who lived in that trailer court, right next door to me. They had lost everything, and probably didn’t have insurance. There were many children living there, so many that the schools had 2 buses come for pickup and drop off. We would see them all waiting for the bus in the mornings on our way to work. I still see their faces, and imagine what they must have went through on that eventful night.

I received two phone calls that Saturday while we were in Michigan, our power had been restored! It had been out for around 3 and 1/2 days. We don’t know how many utility poles had to be replaced in total, but it was a large number.

Since I had Internet access, I was always keeping up on the news. Our township trustee had organized a volunteer day, to help with tree & debris cleanup. This made all of us happy, and was the first step in putting my heart and soul to ease. In the end there were a total of 3 volunteer days, but the news that an IU student had disappeared shifted the focus, and the volunteers.

We returned from Michigan on Memorial day, and reality set in. While I had no damage to my home, we had lost about 10 trees; including our beloved apple tree. Many of these trees formed a ‘natural’ fence along my property line. They provided large amounts of shade and oxygen, they were also wrapped in vines. Anyone that knows me, knows that I’m a “jack of all trades.” I have had experience in cutting trees since I was about 12, when I helped my then step-dad do just that for a living.

We had already lost our weeping willow tree and a maple tree due to wind and ice storms that occurred earlier in the year, we purchased a chain saw so I could clean them up; I was prepared. Little did I know how difficult the task would be when vines were involved. This was a task I couldn’t handle, this task needed a quantity of experience people.

We decided to get estimates from tree-trimming businesses. I called around 5 companies, only one showed up and gave me an estimate. It was more expensive than we wanted to pay, and under our homeowners insurance deductible. I wasn’t going to feel at ease until this was taken care of; I was literally stuck between a bunch of trees and a hard place.

I turned to our township trustee’s office. I called them and asked for assistance, but let them know that I should be placed on the bottom of their list. I let them know that it was simply downed trees that needed to be cleaned up, there was no damage to my home and that it shouldn’t be a priority. While we could have paid for the cleanup; it would have presented a financial burden that we might have not recovered from.

A few days go by and as I arrived home from class an Mennonite looking fellow was at my house. He said he was surveying what needed to be done; he was assembling a crew. The next day when I arrived home, the trees were almost cleaned up! It was a group of boys and a man. At the time I presumed they were Mennonite, since they used technology. It turns out I was wrong; it was the Worthington Amish Youth Group. I thanked each one of them personally, and asked if they needed anything at all. They requested some water, which I promptly fetched and then they went about their business.

With all the property damage and the trailer court in ruins, I was blown away that they decided to help ME. My whole family is in their debt and are working on a way to pay it forward and show them how much we appreciate what they’ve done for us.

After they finished cleaning up the trees, a larger group, including women went over to the trailer court and assisted cleanup.

The effects of this tornado will be felt and seen for many years to come. Not just from the people (like me) who live where it happened, but by the thousands of travellers that take that section of Highway 45. I went through many years of emotional issues as a child, which I thought had toughened me mentally. I learned the hard way that I was wrong.

While we are mainly healed from this event, our souls will never forget it. That storm took something from me. Even though I don’t exactly know what “it” is, I feel incomplete inside. I don’t know how to move on from this experience. Writing this has certainly helped.

The Little Girl is Dead

Those are the words my mind tricked me into believing were true. I heard a fireman say something that sounded like that on the night of May 25th, the night a EF1 tornado touched down very close to my home.

My wife, a person who is always concerned with the weather told me that the night was going to be a rough one. I hear this on a fairly common basis, but something told me that I should stay on alert that night. She had radar from WRTV 6 up on her computer, and we had a combination of the local weather and The Weather Channel on our TV the entire night.

I remember the exact moment when I knew we were going to be in for something. While watching the TV, they were showing all of the tornado warning/watches in Illinois. The state was covered in red; meaning the state was covered in tornado warnings.

Around 10:19pm our power went out, and almost instantly after that our weather radio went off; it was a tornado warning for us and we knew that this was serious. My wife headed for our basement and told me to grab Amelia from her crib if I thought it was appropriate. While I knew this was a serious situation, I had to see it for my own eyes. That’s when I picked up my flashlight and looked at the large maple tree in my backyard. It’s large canopy was swirling in a clockwise motion, something I had never seen before in that large of a tree.

I immediately ran to grab Amelia from her room and rushed to our utility room where Rachel was waiting. Even though I had experienced a similar event when I was 12, I had never felt the urgency or threat that I felt at that moment. It was the first time we had ‘ran for shelter’ from a storm. While in our utility room, we could hear the intensity of the storm. There was no sound like a train, rather the sound of a large volume of air moving at a high rate of speed. It went away after a minute or so, but we decided to stay in our safe place for a few minutes, just to be sure.

Immediately, I went outside to inspect for damage. The first thing I noticed was that a large limb from one of my trees had broken and fallen on my neighbor’s fence. I called him to let him know, and that was when my mental state took a dive that it hadn’t had in a very long time.

He told me that his daughter had called him and by listening to the scanner, she had heard that the trailer court right next to our neighborhood was completely wiped out. I felt a tremendous urge to go see what I could do to help. I got in the Kia and discovered that a war zone now existed less than 1/4 mile away from my home; I was also trapped in our neighborhood.

I discovered another one of my neighbors outside, I asked him what he knew. He said that there were several children trapped in one of the trailers. He told me that he offered his assistance, but they didn’t want anyone who wasn’t trained in search & rescue to help out of the fear that they might also be hurt.

I then heard those words that I couldn’t get out of my head, “the little girl is dead.” I had to run back home, I couldn’t help and I could barely hold my tears back.

Out of what seemed to be pure survival instinct, I started tweeting. Besides our land line, it was my only way of communicating with the outside world at that point. Here they are:

I’m a prisoner in my own neighborhood and there are people dead less than 1/4 miles away from me
Trailers stacked on top of trailers, it’s a sickening sight! If I only had a line to the outside world besides this
I can’t sleep knowing that my poor neighbor children lost everything, almost their lives tonight. I also confirmed with the fd, no death …
I now wish it would stay dark so I cannot see the remains of what was #didthisreallyhappen
I’ve only lost a few trees, which I loved -I feel bad for mentioning it, but I think it should be noted.
Please put the children who just lost everything in your thoughts and/or prayers. They really didn’t deserve this
You never realize how much you appreciate freedom until that freedom is taken – quote me

I then went back and found a larger group of my neighbors. One of which had a friend over who is a policeman. We went back and actually did some searching with the fire department. I snapped some photos on my phone, but due to the atmospheric conditions, they didn’t turn out too well.

I went back home and told Rachel that I couldn’t go to sleep, and that I was going to leave as soon as I could. I felt disconnected from what was happening, I needed information. Around 3am, I started seeing headlights from cars driving around our neighborhood – the road must have been finally cleared. I packed up my laptop, phone and associated cables to charge everything and headed into the unknown. My destination was the IU Wells Library, but I wasn’t sure if I would make it. I had to try.

The journey is only about 6 miles, but it seemed like 50. The entire west side of Bloomington was pitch black. No stop lights or street lights. When I finally made it to campus it was even worse. Trees were down everywhere, what is normally a somewhat linear route ended up to be a criss cross puzzle.

I finally felt okay. I sat with some of my TCC co-workers and briefed them of the situation. I logged onto a computer and started my hunt for information. I printed every article I could find, from the Herald-Times, to the Indy Star to even MSNBC.

Once everything was charged, and my search for information was complete I headed back home. Little did I know that the drive home would be even more treacherous than the drive in.

Still no lights or businesses open. It was daylight now, I what I had feared was true; it had to have been a tornado that came through. While there were spots here and there in town and on campus that had tree damage, there was a defined path of destruction starting just west of Curry Pike/Leonard Springs Road on Highway 45. This defined path followed me on my journey home, and that’s when I encountered the sheriff’s deputy blocking the road to my home. “And where do you think you’re going?” he asked me. “Home” I passionately stated. He let me through.

The next day we left on a planned vacation to Michigan. We felt it would be better to leave the sadness and destruction, than to stay and be constantly reminded of it.

I’ll continue this tale in my next post.

Out of Sync

My first semester as a student at Indiana University was very hard on me. So hard that I became “out of sync” with the world around me, and the normal activities I participated in (including this blog).

Too many events occurred to even begin to try to catch up with one blog post, so I won’t try. Instead I’m going to mention current events.

This week was the first semester of the spring semester, for which I’ve decided to take some 100 level courses in an attempt to give my mind a break.

I’m also adjusting to some changes in my work schedule, as I now have some very long days. I work from 7:30a until 10p two nights a week. While this may sound horrible, it allows me some freedoms. I don’t work on Wednesdays, and I only work 5 hours on Fridays. It’s a trade off that I’m willing to pay for.

During the winter break, I was able to catch up on ROX. I have edited 11 of 24 episodes for the season one DVD set. I hope to finish editing by the end of the semester, and begin DVD authoring.

The plan is that I will be able to re-connect with my family, and more importantly, my life during this period.

Goodbye Friends

Saturday I sold my mower and trailer. I had listed them on craigslist. They went to a really nice guy from the Cincinnati Ohio area. I still can’t believe he drove that far to purchase such old equipment.

My mower was old and tired. I had called it the “little mower that could.” A reference to The Little Engine That Could. It wouldn’t give up and was a very good mower, but time wasn’t on it’s side. It was a mid 80’s model, and the almost 30 years of use was rearing it’s ugly head on the engine. I had a oil leak that started to become something to watch last year. It was the first time I had to add oil to it. I had talked around to several people about repairing it, but nothing panned out. In the end, we replaced it due to blue smoke billowing out of the top of the engine after mowing the front yard.

I purchased the trailer from a former boss of mine when I worked for Sternberg. Part of my job description was to mow their frontage property on Dillman Road and Highway 37. The trouble with this was the fact that it was about an acre of total land, and I was not provided with the proper equipment – just a run down push mower and weed eater. As I wrote previously I snagged a Independent Contractor gig out of them and made an extra $30 a week mowing this.

I only had one problem, and a serious one at that. I had no way to get my mower to the job site! When I mentioned this to my boss, he said he had a trailer that he’d sell to me with terms I couldn’t refuse. I really wanted a trailer, so this made my month!

There was one caveat, my boss lived in Story, IN. Which is in the middle of nowhere. One Friday night Rachel and I drove out there to take a look at the trailer. It was not in the shape you see it above. The wheels were rusted, the tires were dry rotted. There was no light kit, and the deck was barely there.

After getting it home (which I was surprised it made the journey). I immediately put new wheels, lighting kit and deck on. I got it inspected and applied for a title for it. I also put a new coupler (what the trailer attaches with) on. I also tried my hand at building some ramps with the materials I had left over (big mistake). So I bought some ramp end caps and used some lumber for ramps.

I was very happy with the trailer! It was very handy when we moved furniture or bought new furniture. It was the perfect size for my mower as well!

Since we sold my truck last year, we haven’t had anything that is capable of towing (yet). So the trailer has just sat. I had tried to sell it previously, but wasn’t liking the offers I would get.

I would have kept the trailer, but the new mower we purchased is much larger than my little John Deere STX38. With a 8 inch larger deck, and taller stance this thing makes my old mower look like a toy. I figured it would be easier to sell them as a package – tow and go, then separate.

You both filled a need in my life, but your time has moved on. I hope you make your new owner as happy as you made me over the years!

Being Productive

Since April of last year I haven’t worked more than 24 hours in a week. While over the summer I was plenty busy with home remodeling projects and going to school full-time, I didn’t feel like a productive member of society.

While I’m not technically working full time, I am doing what I can, at 36 hours it’s not as bad as only 24. I’ve discovered some things about myself that I find interesting.

I’m more productive. I tend to try to accomplish more tasks and goals opposed to when I had more time, it seems strange but also interesting.

I have better self esteem. While I am tired, both mentally and physically, I feel better about myself which helps my motivation for things above.

I am lucky in the fact that both of my positions allow for me to work on my homework while there. I guess it’s an advantage of working in the world of academia. I try to take advantage of this resource as much as possible.

I was thrown into the world of “work” at an early age, 14. That’s when I got my first job cleaning tables and doing dishes at Gresham Dining Hall at IU. I enjoyed the work, but didn’t enjoy the atmosphere. Boys can be just as bad as girls at that age.

I guess age and maturity have changed my outlook since then. I want to work, it’s just been impossible to find a job. I hope that with time and with my blossoming skills, I will be able to find a position that pays me what I’m worth.

Down With the Sickness

Life lately in the Lawmaster household has been anything but fun as of recent. We all came down with forms of the same sickness. Fortunately we have all recovered.

Originally I thought it was a new recipe that Rachel had tried, Baked chicken thighs with brown sugar. I think it really might have been part of a larger sickness going around our area.

Little Amelia saw the effects first. She spit up ( or should I say threw up) almost half of a couple of her bottles, was warm and somewhat fussy for a day. Some children’s Tylenol made her much better.

Rachel saw her effects span over a two day period. It started with nausea and diahhrea on the first day and ended with body aches, fever and a general not feeling well on the second day. She felt much better after a day of rest.

My case became overly complex and is becoming a nightmare in process. I woke up on the same day that Rachel’s symptoms started feeling the same nausea and diahhrea, but with the addition of severe body aches.

I didn’t have to be at work until noon, so I thought I would sleep in the Kelley School of Business changing rooms – a place I often nap in during lunch. The 3 hour nap helped me tremendously, but didn’t get rid of the severe body aches that made even walking a nightmare.

Due to the strict attendance policies in place at my job, I thought I would give working a go. The lab that I work in on that day requires some physical stamina, as I have to cover this lab, this lab, this lab and this lab. I tried my hardest to fulfill my duties, but was unable and thought it would be best for me to leave and see a doctor.

I went to my doctor’s walk-in clinic. Where I was almost immediately seen. They took my vital signs, asked me what I was having problems with and then had me give a urine specimen which I thought was quite odd. Then the waiting began. I waited an hour before I was seen by a nurse practitioner, who for some strange reason thinks my appendix was (and still is) about to burst.

I was then directed to take some blood tests and immediately go to the hospital for a CT scan. I’ll never forget what the nurse told me, “you cannot pass go, you cannot collect $200 – go straight to the hospital.”

I get to the hospital, where I then went to pickup a contrast agent that I had to drink with Gatorade. Thank god for the Gatorade. I learned later that particular contrast is used to be able to see the digestive tract. Then more waiting. I waited for two and a half hours before I even got the scan! I then had to wait almost two more hours to get the results, which I got from that same nurse practitioner via phone call!

She said that I had a large amount of lymph nodes that were swollen and my white blood cell count was up significantly but there were no signs that my appendix was in trouble. In layman’s terms, my body is fighting a infection of some sort. She then prescribed me 4 antibiotics, which I’m not taking. I believe I have MRSA and I have read that antibiotics actually perpetuate the spreading of these potentially killer infections.

After finally getting home at almost 9pm, I drank a couple shots of my cure all, Nyquil and went to bed. I woke up the next morning feeling like a brand new man!

Today I got a call from the walk-in clinic. They want me to do another CT scan in 3 months to make sure I’m okay. WTF? This sounds like either a very inexperienced health care provider, or an organization that is trying to generate some revenue through services that are not needed. I don’t think I’m going to go to that particular walk-in clinic again.

Ouch!

Today we were able to receive our 2009 W-2 statement online and I must say it was quite a shocker. My income has significantly went down since I left Baxter, but I think this is a new low. I’m not going to publicly state how much, but lets just say it’s under 10 grand by a significant amount.

There were many issues that contributed to this. I’m going to outline them for documentation should I need a reference.

CSR – They didn’t schedule me to work since April of 2009. Last week I resigned that position.
School – I decided to take off over the summer and focus on my studies and remodeling of our home. Mainly due to the fact that I could not attain summer employment, or any employment for that matter.
Unemployment – While off for the summer I applied for unemployment, received it – now they want it back!

I have been in a war of words with our state unemployment system. Technically employees of state funded educational institutions cannot receive unemployment during “an established break period.” We all know that summer is an established break period. However, this is only the case when there is “reasonable assurance” that the applicant will be returning to their position after that break. This was not the case here.

Since I have two positions, it can become muddy water from there. I was “assured” by both of my supervisors that I would indeed return. This only happened with one of them. With the job market virtually non existent, it has taken me this long to find another position.

I was paid around $1,000 in unemployment in a 4 week period. Of that money, I only received around half of that due to taxes, child support, etc. It then stopped, with potentially libelous statements to follow. The DWD actually stated that it was “the claimant’s fault.” It was my fault that I received benefits? Isn’t it the DWD’s job to ensure I’m applicable to receive them before they are paid? I appealed the findings, hoping to receive a hearing with an administrative judge. I received a letter that my appeal had been received, but still no hearing. I’m now receiving statements on a semi-regular basis demanding I pay this back or “severe civil and or criminal findings may be placed against me.” I say bring it! I deserve due process.

When I received the first notice, I responded quickly inquiring about why I never received a hearing. I Highlighted incorrect data that was entered by the DWD, not myself. I then asked to receive my hearing, but am still only receiving the mentioned notices. I have evidence that I believe shows my case – if I ever get a chance to show it.

I just wish this nightmare would come to an end. Seriously.

e-smoking

I recently purchased this model of e-cigarette, to try it out and see if it actually did all it claimed. I was amazingly surprised! Since it’s disposable, once the battery died I had to find another option.

So I decided to purchase a “real” model and try to convert myself to something healthier to feed this addiction to nicotine that I have. I bought this model and a “charger pack.” It looks like a pack of cigarettes, but charges the battery while you’re on the go.

If you haven’t heard about e-cigarettes, they are very interesting. They are essentially a battery connected to an “atomizer” which heats up a piece of cotton which is soaked in a liquid. That liquid can contain just about anything. I chose a Tobacco flavor with the “high” level of nicotine. Thus giving me the closest possible resemblance to actually smoking. To compare it with another addiction, it’s much like heroin addicts receiving methadone for treatment.

Now the hard part begins. I have been trying to not purchase smokes while I go to work or run errands, but like the habit smoking is – so is buying them. I’ve found that there are many of my behaviors that I still need to change or work on, and it’s been really difficult. If I can successfully change these behaviors, I believe I can make this switch.

I’m not trying to quit at this point, I’m trying to move to something “more healthy.” Once I’m fully adjusted to e-smoking, I can step down the nicotine levels and even remove the nicotine completely! On a financial note, while this has been an investment at nearly $90, with refills equaling to $0.70 a pack – it’s much cheaper than the real thing!

I’ve shown this to my 10 year old daughter, who it quite amazed at it. I’ve told her that while this is still smoking, it doesn’t contain all of the “bad things” real cigarettes do.