Saturday night as I was laying down to go to bed, a large POP and CRACK occurred in my back. I’ve been dealing with this bulged disk for over a year now. Was this a good sign or a bad one?
So far, the news is positive. The nerve pain I have been having has almost disappeared. I still have some slight issues, but nowhere near what I was having.
This means I can actually stand without my leg going numb completely. I still have some numbness, but nowhere near the levels that I had previously.
I plan on getting a hold of the spinal specialist I saw previously to have another CT scan done to see if there are indeed any changes. If so, I definitely won’t have to have any surgery. Something I was genuinely worried about.
Steve, Kelly & I at the Runciple Spoon
I felt so good that I was able to go out and see a couple of friends, one of which was in town from Milwaukee for the LOTUS festival. I had planned on seeing them during the festival, but my back had been hurting so much I barely moved the entire weekend.
Who started out so young and strong only to surrender.
I grew up thinking I was born in the wrong time. The music, the things, the surroundings I had were not always of the age I was in. Music of the 60’s and 70’s filled my life instead of the music of the 80’s and 90’s that I was living in. To this day I’m typically twenty years behind musical changes.
My father always told me he that “saw” me in several songs from his youth. Jackson Browne’s “The Pretender” being one of them. He never explained it any further, and so I will be spending the rest of my life trying to solve the riddle he left me with.
Fate gave me a gift however, as two days prior to him coming to the area I discovered, and immediately purchased some decent seats to his show. Had dad still been with us, I would have taken him. I ended up asking 3 people, eventually going with an old work friend. I may have upended her plans for the evening, but who really wants to go to the gym over a concert?
We hadn’t seen each other in the flesh for around five years. So it was good just to be in the same space with each other again.
Back to the subject at hand, there are two lyrics that I think I’ve nailed down that my father saw in me:
“Caught between the longing for love And the struggle for the legal tender” “I’m gonna be a happy idiot And struggle for the legal tender”
I have to say, my father wasn’t necessarily wrong with his findings of his less than 10 year old son. One of my largest struggles has been the balance between love and struggling for that legal tender. Happy however? That’s one descriptor that has never suited me or my personality.
As a now almost forty two year old, the same things can be said about me. But my old mans impression of his boy will forever stick with him.
I shot a few snippets from the show, but this is the only song I shot fully. I only hope I continue to make my old man proud. I hope that he sees me from wherever he is and is proud of all that I’ve had to overcome since he left us. I hope he is proud that his son still doesn’t give up to the challenges put in his life.
In the end, these seem to be the lyrics that have pinned me, much like my old man:
“Gonna pack my lunch in the morning And go to work each day
And when the evening rolls around I’ll go on home and lay my body down And when the morning light comes streaming in I’ll get up and do it again, Amen Say it again, Amen”
Less than a month after we returned from our almost month long venture in Louisiana, it was hit by a hurricane that tested all of the repairs New Orleans had made after Katrina destroyed many of the systems that keep this city from being underwater.
My friend, Bart Everson stayed to defend New Orleans, while his partner and daughter came back to where they just vacationed, my hometown. At this point, they are all seasoned New Orleanians but I was still worried.
They moved after Katrina to a nicer home, but it isn’t too far away from their old one, which had roughly 6 feet of water in it due to the levee’s failing.
Utility Room by Editor B
This is what I was worried about. This is what I was concerned about. That’s an image of the interior of their home after Katrina. Being the God like creature he is, my friend was able to score a press pass and sneak into the city while it was closed to everyone. It was then when he took this photo and cleaned out the entire first floor of his home. It was the contributing factor in the saving of the home.
Most of my concerns were relieved however, as my friend is fine. The only real damage that he knows of to their home is that their little free library was destroyed, and the TV antenna on top of their roof was taken by the hurricane winds.
Power was restored to their home yesterday, but half a million are still without power. He announced shortly after we left that he is running for city council in New Orleans, on his platform that has awed and inspired me for decades. One of living with nature, instead of against it as we have for hundreds of years.
He posted this right before the hurricane hit
This man has been an inspiration to me since I was literally 11 years old. Even though that inspiration has shifted from star struck wonder to that of true friendship, it amazes me that he is able to still be that beacon of light to me. I would vote for him if I were able.
The Crescent City has wooed me with her charms, and shaken up so many things that were cores to my beliefs. Bart moved there because he couldn’t stand the cold, I’m oddly comfortable there because I have issues with midwestern heat.
My thoughts and my heart are with all of those in the south and northeast who were affected by Hurricane Ida.
I was finally able to be a man of my word to the man who gave me my first blog. When Amelia and I visited for a short period in 2019, I told him I would house-sit for him while he took his vacation, then a worldwide pandemic happened.
We spent 25 days out and about. Primarily staying in and around New Orleans, but making stops in Huntsville, AL, Panama City Beach, FL and Pensacola Beach, FL. We also took day trips to Venice, LA (on the Great River Road) and to Grand Isle, LA.
B has told me over the years that Louisiana during June and July is highly humid, I can’t remember the term he used exactly but it was meant as a warning. That said, now that I have returned – the peculiar weather conditions in the south are actually better for me than those of the midwest. I was able to do all the things there, where I cannot here.
I’m very confused at this point. This is the first part of many writings on this 25 day vacation.
WARNING: This post will have details and images of a graphic nature.
I suffer, with countless others with an auto-immune disorder of the skin called Hidradenitis Suppurativa. This condition normally shows itself when a person enters puberty. It is passed to a person when one of their parents is a carrier. There are varying stages, but this condition never truly gets better. It’s more about mitigation.
At the time in the world when I was becoming an adult, my case of this was only getting worse. I was going to the ED at least once a month in unbearable pain. My own doctors could not figure out what was causing these painful boils that would appear and grow. They called them carbuncles.
This was when I was placed into a trap. The doctors didn’t know what to do and they couldn’t resolve my issues. This is when I was prescribed large amounts of opioid based pain medicines as if they were candy. It was common for me to have 500 pills on hand at a time. The medication didn’t resolve my issues; or relieve my pain however. It only put me in a state of intoxication. This was not how I wanted to live my life.
This was long before social media, I think even WebMD was fairly new at the time. It was hard to find answers on medical issues that were not mainstream. Almost impossible when there was no clear answer as to just what that issue was.
Insert the woman who I came to call Princess Patti. I first found her through a blog she wrote. In it she explained this health disorder and screams of “me too” rang out in my head. She sold little pins that said “HS” on them, and I bought one.
Patricia Jane Fiore
As social media platforms overtook the way people socialize in this world, Patti and I found each other again. She had created a group for people with this disorder, and it was then that my world was changed. I learned that I wasn’t the only one having issues receiving proper medical treatment. I discovered I wasn’t the only one who felt shameful about what this condition had done to my body, and the smells that emanated from the sores on me. I literally found an entire world filled with people JUST LIKE ME. It was liberating to say the least.
Always sweet, always loving. She was a girly girl who loved Paris, The Golden Girls, her Schnauzers and her family. Many called her mamma Patti, as she cared about them more than their own mothers did.
Over the years, she and I would become very close and then drift apart on a repeating cycle. She lived a complicated life, as did I. I had been through my discovery phase of all of this; she continued helping those just finding out, giving them the support and tools they needed to face this new world they didn’t sign up for.
HS Tattoo She Got. She was addicted to them afterwords.
Then I had a surgery to fix the scar for my Vagus Nerve Stimulator, and the world came crashing down. My case of HS (I will call it that for the rest of this post) became like a wildfire out of control. My problems were primarily located in my inner thighs but had now migrated to my underarms, almost overnight. It was devastating.
Patti had the worst case of HS I had ever seen before, and yes she shared images of her afflicted areas with me. She was able to turn her struggles and disasters into a strength for me.
Her HS had began in her vaginal/pelvic area and spread, the most common place for women to get it. At one point the doctors inserted a mesh implant; which wreaked all sorts of havoc on her. She almost lost one of her legs due to one of the surgeries she had. I don’t know if the implant or something else was the cause of, but she also had cancer at one point. That kept her from receiving many of the treatments that are now given to people – like me. She couldn’t have sexual relations like normal people do anymore, and she was constantly battling with Sepsis and other serious life threatening problems. Yet she persisted.
I was just going through our messages, and here’s one of note she said to me. “I think you’re a good man with great intentions , you’re a good person with a good heart and wants to do the right things.”
Here is the thing that troubles me however. According to the entire HS world, and a screenshot from her son (attained through a friend I met through her), she passed away due to a heart attack this week.
From her oldest son, a trusted source sent me this. I removed names to protect privacy.
I cannot find any documentation anywhere that such things are normally noted. Not the newspaper local to her area(s), nothing. While I do not doubt her son’s words, it’s hard for me to find closure. The state in which she lived has peculiar laws on public records, and I can only lend that to blame. She’s the kind of lady that I would have driven half way across the country to attend a funeral for. She made that much of a difference in my life and the life of others. I want to pay the greatest of respect to the woman she was and the woman she became. I want to show her family just how appreciative I am for sharing her with the world.
The saddest part to me is that just a couple of years ago, she was filmed for a production called “For the Hayters.” It was supposed to be on MTV, something I cannot confirm. There is a video on YouTube that I will share however. The title? “43 and Dying” It’s sad foreshadowing of what was to come that truly breaks my heart.
I honestly thought I would pass before she ever thought about going. As a community we have faced many deaths. Many suicides. There comes a point where a lot of people just cannot take the pain, take the internal torment any longer. I didn’t know any of those people; but it’s guaranteed that Patti did.
The community Patti built, the community I’m a part of is tattered and in pieces. All of our collective hearts are broken right now.
Your pain is over now, may you find some peace you weren’t able to find in this life. I will miss you forever and always, my Princess Patti.
I was hoping to wake up at 7am and begin working on a test I need to update for a faculty member. My hopes were dashed, and I ended up not really getting out of bed until about 10am.
I then began my morning routine of going through all of the emails I had received overnight. When I was almost finished with that task, another email hit my inbox, from The Bloomingtonian. The City of Bloomington is beginning a retry at annexation. Sigh.
The green, purple, red, pink, yellow and orange areas are to be annexed.
Surprisingly, I guess I did not write anything on my blog about it when this originally popped up in 2017. The map above was originally a much larger area to be annexed.
I can’t say that it was due to my input, but all of the “1” areas were originally a singular area. I kept telling a friend who is on the city council that those areas needed split up, as they differ greatly. The next map produced was wildly similar than the one shown here.
During that time, he would provide me with information in confidence and I would spew it out and about, frustrating him to the point where he almost ended our friendship.
This is one area where he and I are diametrically opposed, and I failed to consider our relationship in the grand scheme of things with the words I said. I failed him, and for that I will not pester him and then blab my mouth in the clear on social media.
BUT I WILL WRITE MY OPINIONS
A button I received at the first “informational session” during the original annexation push in 2017
I feel that I must provide some history on this since I did not write about it previously.
In 2017, seemingly out of the blue the mayor of Bloomington, John Hamilton unleashed this wide plan to annex over 10,000 acres of “fringe” area into the city of Bloomington. The city hadn’t annexed anything for a period of almost 20 years, and there are certain areas that quite obviously need to be. Over that period of time the city has changed significantly, and the population has increased as well.
Original Annexation Map, 2017
There were several township meetings held so the residents of these areas would have an opportunity to redress the elected officials about this. The one for Van Buren township (where I live) was quite lively. With many boos, etc, etc. It was there where I was first introduced to Geoff McKim, a county council member. I call him the “numbers guy”. He broke down what would happen fiscally if annexation went through. It wasn’t pretty.
I do not live in an area that will be annexed, but per what he said in 2017 my taxes would increase by 26% due to the loss of others on the tax roll for the county and my township.
The only play against annexation in Indiana is remonstrance, where I believe it is 63% of the property owners officially state they do not want to be annexed, it will be stopped.
Back in 2017, the city also stated that many of our township fire departments services would be essentially gutted; and people including me would have to rely upon the Bloomington Fire Department. Their closest station is almost 5 miles away. My township fire department has a station less than 2 miles away, and they have been here in under 2 minutes.
The city pulled some blows that were quite frankly below the belt back then too, as the issue of remonstrance waivers became a major issue. Many new subdivisions outside of city limits would connect to city utilities, and the city would provide it given waivers were signed for these properties. This gave the homeowners no say in the process. It essentially silenced them. This angered me, greatly.
Then it was announced that Cook would pay the city $100,000 per year in order to not be included in the area to be annexed. This made it very clear to us poor working stiffs that this was clearly about money, and a pay to play system was in place locally.
My buddy Steve was right, “All Politics is Local.”
Then, something came out of left field that shocked us all. The state added language into a bill that killed the annexation. Bloomington quickly filed suit stating the bill violated the state’s prohibition on special legislation. The city eventually won that case in the Indiana Supreme Court.
I was happy to see that play out, and work it’s way through the court system. I am no scholar on our states constitution and do not understand many of the rules and mechanisms in play for situations like these. I may be against the annexation; but I am not against our judicial system for these decisions.
So, here we are again. Four years later, a whole lot of arguing in person, online and before the highest court in the state. I don’t know what will happen, but I am still against this massive annexation plan.
The city has went on a wild spending spree, built a $25 million dollar park but still seems to need more money.
By contrast, my township recently completed construction on a new fire station at it’s secondary location. No bonds were issued, no taxes were raised. It was done through fiscal responsibility and saving funds for the expense.
VBFD’s new Stanford station
I’m going to end post I’ve been working on all day long with something short, but sweet. This is an image of me in 2017, at the first informational session the city held on annexation. It was promised to be almost like a round table discussion; but it ended up being just a lot of poster boards around city hall. It felt like they were just trying to hide from those who they wanted to bring into the city to me. I proudly held that sign then, and I feel the same today.
For almost two years, I have been on a journey with other Bloomingtonians to complete something others had tried, but never completed. Over the weekend, we did the thing, and completed it.
The Herald-Times Front Page, 10/16/2020
Three disconnected groups of Bloomington area residents joined forces, doing what they say couldn’t be done. I take no credit for anything major here, but I was involved as much as I could be.
For those reading this who aren’t familiar with the Star Trek universe, Kathryn Janeway was the first Captain of a Star Trek series, Voyager. Her character was born in Bloomington, Indiana. This immediately became a source of pride for trekkies in the area.
The monument and event took place on the B-Line trail, with an immense crowd of fans. So many that it made social distancing almost impossible. I played my typical role of jack of all trades, giving a hand to make sure what needed to be done, was. I’m not fond of the limelight, and prefer to stay out of it as much as possible.
The monument is a bronze bust on a limestone base with an inset stainless steel plate. Beside it is a informational table, that has my name on it twice.
The unveiling setup
Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, we had to lean on live streaming harder than we originally planned for the event. We had some difficulties with the microphones causing echo on the videos we played but otherwise it went well. Later on that day I had checked the stats for the live video, and 16.1k people had viewed it!
Kate Mulgrew has such an infectious smile
We were fortunate that Kate Mulgrew agreed to join us virtually. The event was at 11am but she was in California, where it was 8am. I was so happy to be behind the scenes, where I got these excellent photos of her reactions to this monument of a character she played and is reprising in the new series Prodigy.
If you look closely, you will see my name – twice!
The informational table tells the story of Janeway, and her creator Jeri Taylor who spent her childhood in Bloomington and graduated from Indiana University. The papers in which the Janeway character was created are housed at the Lilly Library. A display of these papers was in the original plan for the unveiling event.
I’m not a fan of pictures of myself, but here I am.
I began the day at 7am, and it was full go until everything ended roughly at 2pm. I was tired, I was exhausted but I was also immensely humbled and fulfilled by the days events. My youngest daughter was there with me to be witness to the event. My eldest joined the live stream, as did one of my aunts in Oklahoma. The next day was my 40th birthday, and this is the best present a guy could have.
My blurb in the booklet
We produced a booklet for the unveiling. I’m unsure of how many were produced exactly, but we ran out of them before the unveiling actually happened. I grabbed four of them because I knew they would go quickly. One of them I gave to Jeremy Hogan, who runs The Bloomingtonian, I gave my girlfriend another. One of them I saved for Steve Volan, who without his connection I would have never been involved in this. I made sure he would be added to the special thanks portion. Leaving one for myself.
We haven’t discussed our long term goals or plans as of yet, I am currently working on a Wikipedia page for the monument, which is currently just a section on the main Janeway page.
Today was a good day. Today I met a man I’ve known strictly through Facebook for what feels like an eternity, but we had never met in real life until today.
He and I share the same debilitating skin disorder, learning of each other in a support group and quickly becoming friends due to our fairly close vicinity to each other.
He knew I was feeling overwhelmed by all of these chores I needed to complete, but couldn’t simply due to the heat and offered to help me clean up the trees I cut down. I completed the task by cutting the pieces into smaller manageable pieces, while he used my mower and cart to haul the wood to the back of my lot.
I became overheated and had to take breaks. I appreciated the company and the brotherhood he provided. Immensely.
I hope more people like him continue to shine a light on this world.
Yesterday, I randomly discovered something that touched me deeply. I’m not much for vlogging, even though my own YouTube channel is essentially that. That’s where the great algorithms google has created said “hey, you might like this video.”
This is the exact video that was recommended to me
At first, my naughty side was engaged. Then I realized this was just a small piece of a much larger and deeper engagement. This woman was reading the secrets every teenage boy wanted to know when we were young, she was reading her diaries!
So I circled the wagons, and started at the very first video and kept the videos playing. It was around midnight when I stopped last night, not realizing the time. There were only two more videos of the series left, my heart full of those emotions I felt as a middle school / freshman boy.
By her own words, she came from a stereotypical middle class family, had what can be only described as a “normal” upbringing, yet only wanted the love and affection from a boy (or girl) that would make her feel complete. This moved me, down to the core of my being.
At the same age, I never felt liked, wanted or needed by anyone in my age group who was of love or sexual interest. Middle school was the time of my life in school, but much like Rodney Dangerfield I didn’t get no respect! I didn’t know what made girls like boys, but I wanted to be one of those boys they liked.
My 7th Grade picture, middle. They infamously spelled my name wrong.
Back then, I really wore my heart on my sleeve. (Who am I kidding, I still do.) My two go to’s with the opposite sex were cheesy lines and deeply written heartfelt notes of affection towards the ones that made my heart go pitter patter. I still speak with and know several of those girls, and those lines have stayed as memories of way back when.
One was to a girl who I instantly felt comfortable with, we will call her M. I would always ask her if she wanted to “take a magic carpet ride with me?” while passing her. Another girl, we will call her A, I used to essentially harass by asking her if she knew “what the other white meat was.” This was a play on the pork industry’s marketing at the time. Another girl, her first name is the name of one of the boats Christopher Columbus had, so I would ask her were they went? She’s now a professor at the same university I work at. When I took her course (you know I had to), I would bring this up, and even wrote it on my final exam “for bonus points.”
The notes, or letters or whatever you want to call them, I’m not sure if I’ll ever know how they were received by their intended recipients. I don’t even know if they got them. I would pour my heart and soul out to these girls, but never received a response in kind. Never.
But still, NOBODY WANTED ME. It seemed as if all of the girls I wanted actually wanted someone else, or a guy of more social significance had “laid claim to her” as if she were a piece of property. I didn’t understand, I still don’t.
I had my guy friends, people I had known quite literally since I was born, but it wasn’t the same. I wanted someone to fill my heart with joy. Bring smiles to my face just because they exist, all of that romantic stuff kids of this age think of.
I went through a lot of struggle during this time of life. My mother ran off with my stepfather as he was wanted by the police, leaving me alone in a trailer. Eventually I was living there with no electricity, no heat, no water – nothing. I was surviving through the money my dad faithfully paid for me to have lunch. When he discovered this, a new change began. He and I started living with my grandmother, 30 miles away (because my stepmom wouldn’t allow me to live in her house).
A girlfriend would have helped my soul, significantly. I will digress on me now.
Her YouTube series just highlights the struggles that most if not all of us must sadly endure. Those cringeworthy years where we want something – but don’t know how to get it. Don’t know how to understand the signs that someone is interested or not interested in you. They are times that leave an indelible mark on all of our souls.
You could say those times were fruitful for me, as I’ve always been what I call a “social chameleon.” Being able to fit into all sorts of social circles, it has enabled my continued connections to many of that time.
After a 11 year marriage, I ended up reconnecting with many from that time as a method of healing my wounded soul. I wanted to see how life had treated all of those that I genuinely cared about. I eventually started spending more and more time with one of them. At the age of 35, I was still unsure if she was giving me signs of interest, if she liked me, etc. It was like middle school all over again.
On the advice of a trusted friend, after we went to the drive-in (her kids, she and I) I planted a kiss on her as I was walking her to her door. I didn’t want to be in a state of confusion of where I stood in her life. I had to make a move. I was also legitimately worried that I had just ruined this excellent friendship she and I had been forming.
My girlfriend, also 7th grade at the same school. Middle image. We never spoke. WHY???
The constant pessimist, I assumed I would never hear from her again. I was wrong. In a couple of weeks, we will be celebrating 4 years as a couple. It’s been a wild adventure with her, but I think my life would have been much less interesting without her in it.
Had I realized I could look back on my writings 20 years later, and see the inner most thoughts of a younger version of myself, I would have started writing way back then. I hope you are reading this Gretasaur, and I hope you are smiling.
I sent Gretasaur an email and facebook message, just to say thank you. I deeply appreciate those gifts she provided the world, and I want her to be aware of that.
The United States of America was founded on some core principals. These principals are inherent to what it is to be an American. Due to the ways in which some state laws were created, and the way my county implemented them, there is now an unbalance that a group of politicians want to exploit.
While I may spew meaningless banter on social media on political issues, I have never been one to hold much weight on political issues. To me it’s always been used to divide the people, so powers can go unchecked. I’ve tried to live my life as far away as I can from governmental intervention. I pay my taxes, I do my civic duty. Just leave me alone.
At the beginning of January, the mayor of the city closest to me proposed an increase in the county wide income taxes by 1/2% for efforts to stop climate change.
WUT? Full stop.
A municipality does not have the jurisdiction to change policy for an entire county when spoken at a general level. In this situation, they do however. Why? Numbers. The weight of the vote is determined by the citizenship behind the municipality.
The imbalance is so high that the combined voting capacities of the entire county and 2 other municipal areas within the county do not have the capability to stop the proposal.
That is not democracy.
So I spoke up, with the encouragement of a township trustee I then made a facebook page to focus my views and thoughts on the subject at hand. I can only assume that my words were noticed, as a reporter for the local newspaper wants to interview me on the subject.
Unfortunately this puts me in an awkward situation with a friend. As he is currently the president of the city council. The exact board at which I’m currently at odds with. He and I have often butted heads regarding issues the city council is considering. I value his friendship, and have let him know as such. My feelings on this subject are purely political.
I guess I will see where this road takes me. I just hope that road doesn’t mean the loss of a friend.
