My dearly departed father grew up listening to Bill Cosby albums. It was the basis of his lifelong passion for comedy. When I grew up, I discovered his comedy. I only knew him for Jello commercials and The Cosby Show.
In the thirteen years I’ve lived in this home, I have dealt with all sorts of water issues. The first one being from the water line coming into my house. The second being my almost yearly sewage backups. I would occasionally get small amounts of water in my basement. It was enough to clean up, but not enough to cause serious concern.
I’m concerned now.
We received a lot of rain this weekend. Over 1.5 inches in the last 24 hours alone. Many roads were flooded. I’ve seen flooding like this in the area, but never as wide spread before.
Water was literally coming through my fireplace, exiting and draining into my basement. Thankfully the slab is leveled to force water to flow out of my garage. But I’ve never seen it act like this before. Something must have changed with the concrete blocks that form my basement walls, or something has broken on my chimney allowing the water to flow.
The key difference is the amount of dirt and silt that flowed in with the water. I repeat, I have never seen this happen before. I’ve also never seen water flow out of my garage when the door is opened. Never.
So, I did what I always do. Swept the water out as best as I could. Got my dehumidifier going, but it was of no help. I put towels up to help mitigate the flow. I also covered my chimney with 6mil plastic, but that did not change the flow. The issue has to be below grade.
A guy I moderate a group with offered some assistance. It was nice to finally meet him in real life. He purchased a pump for me to borrow, which pumped a majority of the water out. The water quit coming out of my fireplace soon afterwards. He looked at my property and gave me some ideas of what can be done to mitigate this happening in the future.
Tomorrow my day will consist of contacting every professional in the area that I can to get estimates on fixing this. I will also be contacting the Chimney/Fireplace company a classmate operates with her husband. They said they could get me an appointment for Tuesday. This is going to be costly.
As twenty nineteen draws to a close, I welcome those roaring twenties with open arms. The teens have been primarily full of hardship and strife for me.
I lost both of my grandmothers. My father passed away unexpectedly. I had a horrible divorce with implications that still impact my life.
On the upside, I finally gained full time employment for the first time since 2006, and then within a year I advanced my career to a place I never thought I would be professionally.
I went on some wild and crazy adventures and found love again. But I constantly feel as if life is not worth living due to those losses I faced. My hunger and motivation just aren’t the same anymore.
I look forward to twenty twenty. May you bring some of the same things you brought the twentieth century. I’d love to see society step up it’s apparel, lets bring class back to our lives. I want to see the optimism of my youth make a return. I want to see my daughters grow, learn and continue to become the things they want to be.
My plans for twenty twenty include finally beginning to drive dad’s IROC-Z, revisiting New Orleans and continuing to try to get myself over the grief I face on a daily basis. I never imagined how heavy my heart would feel five years post my father’s passing.
My life motto since that event is tattooed on my left forearm, something I stitched together from a letter my dad wrote to me while I was at church camp.
What an adventure replacing the speakers in the IROC turned out to be. I ended up shooting so much video from it that I felt it was best to cut it into 3 parts just to make them consumable.
With it being December and cold, I decided on a whim to buy new speakers for the car. It had the originals in it. They were old, tired and I would be much happier cruising if I had good tunes. So I bought a matching set of 3-way Pioneer speakers in the appropriate sizes for the car. I intended on keeping the OEM Delco stereo, with cassette tape. Pure 80’s awesomeness.
I had been avoiding doing anything at home for some unknown reason. I had so much to do to prepare for the holidays. For the sake of doing something I went to work on the car. Little did I know it would be a black hole, literally and figuratively.
I figured replacing the rear speakers – which are easy to get to and easy to remove would be a good task to get my productive juices flowing. So I went to it. I replaced the drivers side, which went beautifully. Then I went to work on the passengers side, where the best words I have to use come from Star Trek: The Next Generation, “shaka, the walls fell.”
The passenger side speaker would not work. Was it the 30+ year old wiring? This car is completely factory and completely unaltered. So I connected another set of speaker cables to the factory speaker cable as a jumper – still no dice. That only really eliminated the factory style connector however.
When I removed the speaker, the mid/high section just fell out of the woofer.
I called Crutchfield to get a replacement, but I was faced with a quandary. This model of speaker was on back order. I wouldn’t receive replacements until February. What do I do? Mechanically the speaker was still sound. None of the electrical connections had broken, the glue holding this stem in simply hadn’t held. I decided to get some superglue and fix the problem on my own. That still didn’t solve the issue at hand.
So off to the forums and internet groups I went. I’m sure someone else had faced a similar issue at some point, right? I then found some information that told me that it was common for certain components on these stereos to simply quit working over time. I was sold on the collective voices I read on the subject. I didn’t want to buy a new stereo however, I wanted the one I have. This level of electronics is something my grandfather was an expert on, but it’s greek to me.
The hunt was on, and while searching eBay, I came upon a listing for a stereo EXACTLY like mine that had been refurbished by someone with an AUX port added. Wow, how awesome I thought. I bought it without a second thought. At least I’ll know if it’s the stereo or the wiring after I get this, right?
Image from the eBay listing
When I received it – I almost immediately installed it and was instantly floored by the difference. Those dead speakers began working again. I was now mixed – do I continue installing these new ones or do I put the OEM ones back?
I went with the former. The last step was installing the front ones. They turned out to be just as frustrating as the rears. The dash (an item that people scour the country for) had never been removed before. Knowing my luck I would damage or destroy it.
My OEM dash pad, that is in perfect condition
Immediately after I removed the dash, I leaned it against my garage door. It’s not exactly flat or square. Big mistake on my part. Within a minute it fell, my heart sank. So I picked it up and brought it up to my living room where I took this photo. It sat here until I cleaned it and installed it back in the car.
New speakers installed
These new speakers required a trim plate to be attached to them in order to be installed on the car. The OEM speakers have a thick metal plate that they are attached to the car with. These trim plates were finicky at best. I might have to remove the dash again to adjust and / or resolve any rattling issues that could happen from the operation of the car.
The sound coming from the stereo is now similar if not the same as I remember it being as a child. I’m extremely happy, the nostalgia is really hitting me hard these days.
These speakers can handle up to 400w of peak power, and since factory stereo systems are notoriously under powered I am considering adding a discrete amplifier to the system. After doing some searching, I found one that seems perfect. The Sony XM-S400D meets my criteria perfectly. It doesn’t require a thick power supply cable be ran to the battery, has a very small footprint (about the size of a brick) and will make the quality of the sound coming from these new speakers better.
I’ve got to stop myself on this however, as I’ve already spent over $1000 in the last month on parts alone. Little did I know that I would be installing a complete stereo system.
In my recent adventures with the IROC, I decided to replace the speakers. The ones on the passengers side had quit working completely. What’s an 80’s mullet machine without bitchin’ tunes right?
I bought some classic speakers from a classic brand, Pioneer. I had been pretty much frozen in my mind for some reason and decided to finally install them. I started with the rear. I hadn’t been in the back of that car since I was a kid. Wow. I knew the space would be tight, but I didn’t realize how tight it would be.
That light colored panel to my right, called a Sail Panel, covers the rear speakers on each side.
I installed the drivers side one, and the difference between the OEM speaker and this new one was significant. I went to install the passengers side, but it didn’t go smooth at all. There was zero output from the speaker. I assumed there was an issue with the speaker cable. After testing and attaching jumper cables to the main speaker cable – this told me it was not the speaker but the head unit.
Not that I should have, but I purchased a OEM replacement that had been refurbished with one high tech addition, an AUX port. That’s right, a car stereo from 1988 with a built in AUX port! It works through interfering with the radio input when something is connected to it.
I really can’t wait until this comes in.
I should receive it tomorrow and plan on installing it then. We will see if it resolves the issue or if I have to dig deeper. I want to keep this car as original as possible. The addition of an aftermarket stereo is not something I want to do, as it changes the character of the interior in a way I’d rather avoid at all costs.
In my ongoing cutting the cord adventures. I finally got the replacement antenna. I assembled it last night, and installed it this morning.
The rear section of the antenna. My camera was set on panoramic mode to take this image.
At first I was puzzled, as it was receiving nothing – just like what the last one did out of the blue. I power cycled the pre-amp, distribution amp and my external tuner. Boom, I started getting reception.
So I aimed for the place I really wanted to get TV from, Indianapolis. I was picking up all of the TV stations there except for the NBC affiliate WTHR. No matter how I adjusted it – nothing. I was sad. I’ve spent so much time, effort and money on this to settle on not receiving a major TV network.
To understand the scale here, that mast is 8′ tall. I cannot reach the top of the antenna.
So I aimed it towards Terre Haute. The same location I had my old antenna pointed towards. Both cities carry all of the major and minor networks. The only thing that is different is the local content. Indianapolis based stations tend to carry more content focused towards my locality, whereas Terre Haute stations do not.
Not all is lost however, as I still receive content from 1 Indianapolis TV station. So if I need to watch something Indy specific, I can.
Now it’s just a matter of time. We must see if these results remain.
For some reason, I’m feeling all nostalgic today. Reading a post on reddit reminded me of the second car I totaled. Today I will write about my first. You never forget your first.
I have to setup the scene of how we ended up with my first car however, as that is a story in itself.
It’s summer 1995. We (my mother, stepfather and I) had just moved to Main Street in Ellettsville, IN from our home on the south side of Bloomington. Rent was $150 less a month there, the area had less questionable activities happening around us. My stepfather wanted to take a vacation to the Smoky Mountains, so we did. It was a good vacation. It was the only “family” vacation I really remember.
My mom and I.My now ex-stepfather and I. I’ve only randomly ran into him twice since he split with my mom.Me on my new bike at our campsite. I still have that bike, and it’s still in like new shape.
It was a good vacation, and we all had a good time. There are memories from that trip that I’ll hold with me the rest of my life. What happened when we arrived home however, was frightening but gave me another memory. One that I’m writing about right now.
Where we had moved to was right behind Jack’s Defeat Creek, a defining feature of the town. While we were gone there was a massive storm. The creek swelled to levels I didn’t see until I was in my mid 20’s. We lived in a duplex, our neighbors car had been flooded to the roof line. The water didn’t recede for 2 days. He had changed the fluids and done what he could to dry it out, but the insurance company totaled it out. He offered it to us, since I was getting close to the age to legally drive. The price? $383. My stepfather bought it without hesitation.
The car was to serve as a backup vehicle for him and my mother until I got my drivers license, then it would be my car. But I had to work for that car, it wasn’t handed to me. It was my job to turn this flooded out car into a running, fully operational vehicle that anyone would be proud of, and I was totally up to the task. So I got to work.
The electronics were ruined in it due to the water. All of the interior soft components were also water logged. The first step was to remove the entire interior. On good days, I would take all of the items outside to bake in the sun. This car had an electronic dash, something many newer vehicles have but at the time this car was built it was fancy and special. I was able to get it dried out and work again, but the radio was a goner. This radio was interesting however. Due to the design of the dash, it was in two pieces. There was a control section and a tuner section. After scouring the local junkyards, I was able to find one and it worked!
Next up was the mechanical. The 2.5L “Iron Duke” engine in it was very sloppy. There was oil and coolant leaks all over. Once I got those under control, I replaced almost every electronic component under the hood. I then changed the brakes, wheel bearings and shocks.
By this time, all of the soft interior components in the car had dried out. I cleaned them profusely and reinstalled them. The car was for all purposes, done. I still didn’t have a license however, bummer.
Summer turned into fall, and fall turned into winter, then winter turned into spring. My home life had changed significantly. The parents of the household were having arguments and serious conversations revolving me and my father. My stepfather at one point said “Maybe we should stop letting Lee see his dad.” That was all I needed to hear. I thought for the first time in my life, my mother had built something not based on alcohol and drugs but on a family. I was only living with my mother because my stepmother “said I couldn’t live there anymore” according to my father.
I would be leaving, the only question was how, when and where. By this time I spent a lot of time on the internet. I spoke to a lot of people, primarily in the Oklahoma City, OK area. I had been talking to a couple of girls around my age that lived in Valparaiso, IN and Round Rock, TX however.
I eventually made a plan. I was to go see and possibly live with this girl in Round Rock, TX. I had never even been to Texas before. Bye bye Indiana, you’ve left me nothing but trauma and abuse. One night, I packed a large duffel bag with clothes and things I would need. I waited until 4 or 5 in the morning, and army crawled into my mom & stepfathers bedroom and took all of her money and the keys to the car. She had just gotten paid, so it was around $400. I pushed the car out of the driveway (it’s a small car) and down the street a ways before I started it. And I was gone.
My first stop was at the Pilot truck stop in Terre Haute, IN. It was my “last chance Texaco” opportunity to turn around and be able to make it seem like nothing happened. I filled up the gas tank, and headed down I-70.
I’ve traveled to Oklahoma since I was a baby. I know the route to many places by heart. GPS wasn’t available to citizens yet, but I did have a map in the car. Due to the lack of sleep, and adrenaline pumping through my veins, memories of much of the trip were not saved in the hard drive in my head. Not until I made it to Topeka, KS. I had made a mistake, that I do remember, and I decided to just keep going.
By this time, I had been driving for a long time and needed a break, some rest. I had talked with someone in Topeka over the internet, and she gave me her number. I stopped at a mall and called her, she gave me her address and I was on my way. I was a teenager at the time, so nefarious things were obviously on my mind – but what I really needed was rest. I arrived, and didn’t know how to act or react. Their home was filled with clutter and trash, literally. There were trash bags everywhere! I gave an excuse that I had to put some transmission fluid in my car and that I’d be back, never to return.
That’s when I got my map out, and I started looking. I want to go somewhere to rest. I can’t rent a hotel room, and I can’t get comfortable enough in the car really. What do I do? Maybe I can drive to my aunt Beth’s house? She my youngest aunt, and has always been a little on the wild side. Maybe she’ll give me a place to stay for the night while I’m on my way? So I found US 75. Wow, pure heaven that road is. I need to take it again sometime. It’s like route 66. It lead me to Tulsa, which led me to my aunts apartment, in the tiny town of Westville, OK.
When I got to Westville, I stopped at a gas station and paged my best friend, with the phone number to the pay phone I was at. He never called back, so I proceeded to my aunts place.
I got there, but she wasn’t home. I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t really know where my other two aunts lived at the time. My grandfather was in the area, but I didn’t know where he lived either. So I left a note on her door and sat in the parking lot, resting. After a while, she got home. I watched her read the note I left and go inside.
After a few minutes, I decided to knock on the door. Why was I so nervous? This is my aunt, a person who loves me. But I was rattled to my core. Did I make a wrong decision? She was on the phone with my dad. Gah, she ratted me out! My plan is ruined. He wanted to get me on a Greyhound and get me back to Indiana, and worry about the car later.
So she, I and her infant son Alex spent the evening catching up and I finally got some rest that I needed so badly. That was until the police department came knocking at her door in the middle of the night. She answered the door, and they asked for me. She woke me and I went to the door. In my mind, I figured the jig was up. They were going to arrest me. What they did still makes me wonder. They just asked for the keys and left when I gave them to them. It was years later when I found out what happened afterwards.
The rest of my time in Oklahoma during that occasion is something I would do again in a heartbeat however. I won’t go into detail about it in this post though.
My mom and stepfather apparently drove out and got the car while I was there, and left me. My mom then drove out again and got me. How she knew where my grandfather was living surprised me however. This was the straw that broke the camels back with the marriage of my mom and second stepfather. Shortly after my return, he moved out.
I finally get my drivers license, and I’m finally able to legally drive! Yes, we still have this car I stole and drove cross country without a license – and it’s MINE. I’m so excited.
Three days after receiving my drivers license. My best good friend Craig and I decide to go fishing at what’s called the Snake Pit, it’s the day after Thanksgiving. Being freshly licensed teenage males, we are driving aggressively and generally doing things we shouldn’t. That’s when I made a mistake, one I’ll never forget.
The road to the Snake Pit is gravel. It leads to a cove of the largest lake in Indiana, Lake Monroe. The road forks in one spot, with the left fork going in an upward direction. The right fork goes downwards towards the lake. Memories become hazy, but I swear the throttle became stuck. I was losing control and was panicking. I did my best to steer towards the left fork in the road, but the car went in the middle and flipped. In an unlikely turn of events I was actually wearing my seat belt that day, something I didn’t do back then.
I was hanging inside the car. My seat belt wouldn’t unbuckle. I had to get my pocket knife out and cut the seat belt to get out. It broke while doing so, swinging around and cutting my hand. I still carry a pocketknife to this day, just in case something like this happens again.
If you notice, I haven’t said much to describe the car up until now. This car was and is still a very rare car. Not an expensive or exotic one, just rare. It was the cousin of the Pontiac Grand Am. A 1987 Buick Somerset GS, Grey with a Grey vinyl top. Here are the only images I have of it. Taken from the lot it was towed to.
The shadow is highly representative of how my soul felt at the time.
Not all memories fade. Price does not equate happiness. The smallest things can fill the largest part of your heart. My aunts and I still joke about this, and they know I’ll forever trust them with my heart.
For the past six months, I’ve been experimenting in cutting the cord. For those not in the know, this is the term for getting rid of cable. I subscribe to the online streaming services Hulu, Netflix and now Disney+. With the combined cost of those solutions having cable would make TV entertainment an expensive solution.
I merely just want local TV networks. ABC, NBC, CBS & FOX. There is also another network called The CW. Since the changeover to digital OTA broadcasting, many channels have sub or “add-on” channels too. So each station can have sometimes five additional channels.
I’m in what’s called a “deep fringe” area, which makes receiving TV signals difficult at best. There is a PBS station and CBS station that can be picked up with the cheapest of antennas, but the rest require some major work. The transponders I am trying to receive signals from are between 50 and 65 miles away. Other than the two previously mentioned stations, those are my closest options.
At first I tried some solutions through a company called Antennas Direct. They sell what I call “new style” TV antennas. They were funky and I liked it. Sadly, their options were paltry in performance at best. I used their ClearStream 4MAX®, which picked up nothing but my local stations that I previously mentioned. I then tried the DB8e 8-Element Bowtie Attic/Outdoor HDTV Antenna. It did better, but I was still not happy. With it’s vertical style it swayed with the wind pretty significantly as well.
I also purchased their Juice pre-amp. This pre-amp is the 2nd most powerful pre-amp I could find. So I’ve kept it.
I randomly went to my local big box home improvement store and decided on a whim to buy an antenna mast, and ended up buying a large RCA branded TV antenna as well. It claimed to have a 100 mile range, and I could take it back if I didn’t like it. I didn’t have much to lose.
My girlfriend’s son helping to install this large antenna
Just playing around with this antenna, the difference in performance was astounding. I was able to pickup the vast majority of the TV stations in the 2 major markets I am in between. Antennas Direct provided me a full refund and I decided to go with this as my solution. It worked well for a while, and then it just didn’t. I ended up losing NBC and then the ABC station as well, which was the one thing I wanted the most.
I primarily use this to watch ABC World News Tonight, something I watched with my father as a child. I then lost reception of both ABC stations that I could receive earlier.
This antenna I have is omni-directional, meaning it picks up signals completely surrounding it. When weather conditions were suitable I can also pickup stations from another state. I decided I needed a better antenna mount and larger mast. So I procured a tripod and a 10′ antenna mast with a Channel Master CM-7777v3 (the highest powered pre-amp I can find).
Sadly, there was no difference after installing all of these items. I needed a better antenna. After speaking with my local professional shop for all things antenna related, they said my antenna was “temperamental at best.” So I went with their guidance, and procured a Winegard 7698p antenna, which is what they sell.
This antenna is massive, when assembled it is 14′ long. It’s specifically tuned for UHF and high-VHF, which most TV stations in the USA are set as now.
This picture doesn’t justify the sheer size of this antenna
The largest functional difference with this antenna is that it is directional instead of omni-directional. It only receives reception from the direction you point it towards.
I received the antenna this week, assembled it on Friday evening and installed it Saturday morning. When it I got it connected, I was instantly floored. It received signals from channels I had never been able to pickup before. I decided to rotate the antenna to see what it would do with the other market. Then something happened, all reception fizzled out. It’s as if the antenna doesn’t work.
I requested a refund and replacement. I know this is a good antenna, this one just gave me a problem.
I haven’t fully decided yet, but I may combine both of these antennas to pickup what stations I can from both of those markets I’m between.
Once I get the replacement in and setup, I’ll post again. I’ll then dig deeper on the high tech end of my system that enables features primarily found with cable service.
Long foregone is the time of blog posts being what I looked forward to writing. It seems to be a thing of the past, an online journal to express ones thoughts, feelings, actions. This mystifies me, it also troubles me on a deep level.
This blog was a gift to me by one of my life’s heroes, Editor B. I grew up in a lot of ways watching his antics on local cable access. The show wasn’t exactly “suitable” for kids of my age, but I had already experienced much of what was in the show anyway. None of it was new to me.
Since then, he’s also my friend – not just a hero. My heroes in life have always been regular people. I’m not sure why people get attracted to celebrity, nor why people want to be like celebrity.
I documented much of my life between 2006 and 2015 on this blog. It’s contents hold a treasure trove of “me” in it. This also documents the change in my writing and vocabulary, as I only have an 8th grade English education. I may hold an Associate’s degree from Indiana University, but this blog helped me get there.
But life has changed for me, in significant ways that I’m still trying to figure out. I’ve found myself retreating from social media, and society. Work is no longer the adventure I loved but the thing that sustains me. My love of technology is just something I handle now. I’ve changed. I still don’t know if it’s for the better or not.
These days, I have been depleted of energy due to my ongoing skin disorder primarily. Slowly but surely I have been restoring my fathers 1988 Chevrolet Camaro IROC-Z. He purchased it new, with my stepmother eventually selling it to me after his passing.
Me and the car when it was newPresent day
Speaking of that, the anniversary of his death is approaching. It’s placed me into a bit of a downward spiral emotionally. He was the singular true champion of my life. Since then, so much has happened that only his voice, his mind, and his actions would have helped me with.
I have my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years, I have my daughters, and I have my ROX friends. I also have lots of online friends, but that hole in my life from the loss of my father still weighs heavily on my soul. Many times, I still feel lost and completely alone, even when surrounded by many who care for and love me. It’s baffling, and mightily frustrating.
I will be moving this blog to a new domain soon per Editor B’s polite ask. I dare not remove this archive of my life from the Internet. I will always want this as a place to let those inner thoughts out, to show progress on projects, and to give a written record of the life I have led. I would have loved my father having something such as this in his time. I don’t know where it will move to yet, but it will be something that signifies me.
It’s been four years since my father passed into the afterlife. It’s almost hard to believe when I think about it. Time stood still for me for quite some time after that tragic event in my life story. He was the man I admired, he was the man who conquered all. Most importantly, he was the man I wanted to be when I grew up. With him gone, I didn’t have that example to turn to. I didn’t have that voice telling me to “quit getting the cart before the horse, son.” It rattled me to my core.
I had to start over in life, figuratively speaking. Financially and career wise my life is in the best place it has ever been. But emotionally? It’s a tough tale. That’s where I’m still picking up the pieces.
I try to look at when my grandfather passed, and how my father coped as a guidebook. My dad, did everything he could – including trying to get a 21 gun salute for him. Emotionally, that’s where my dad seemed to be a black hole however. He wasn’t very talkative about how he felt about the situation surrounding my grandfathers death. I know he wasn’t happy with the “family” decisions that basically led to his untimely passing, but that was all I got out of him. When it came time to write dad’s obituary, guess what I copied? My grandfathers. Dad had written it.
His urge to make the trip to Oklahoma lessened after that. He became more about life here, his granddaughters and his First Baptist family. He became the de facto caretaker of his mother, my grandma. His love for me? It never faltered. It never failed. It only blossomed over the years.
So why do I feel stuck in an emotional labyrinth? Why?
Each and every day I feel tormented. Not by the loss of patriarch of my family, but by the feelings of helplessness with my daughters. I don’t feel like I give them enough of me, enough time to enjoy things with their dad, or enough adventures with the man they look up to.
Each and every day I fight it. I try to do something, reach out. SOMETHING. But it never feeds the torment, it only seems to expand it.
I have been embraced by a wonderful, yet crazy family. One that sees me for who I am, and doesn’t give me too hard of a time about it. It helps, but only takes me so far. My experience with the “blended family” situation has not been the most idealistic. I hear this is a common situation. I often feel much more at ease when I am solitary. I think I pushed the healing of my losses, and still need that time.
In the end, I have a roughly set plan for how I want my life to be from here on out. The loss of my marriage and the loss of my father taught me this. If it isn’t going how I want it, I will make it that way, no matter what the costs or consequences are. The torch has been passed, not in a way I wanted it to. It is now up to me on how to handle and direct this sect of the family to proceed. I just have to pull myself up by my boot straps and take care of what needs done.
That is what I’m having trouble with. I’ve never been one to proclaim what I want, or expect anything. It’s part of that humble nature.
Many don’t understand my taste in music, and never will. I’m fine with that.
Friday night, Lyndsey and I saw the Smashing Pumpkins. A group that gained notoriety in my pre-teen days. It wasn’t until my later teens that I became curious, and later, enthralled. Primarily due to a couple of girls I had an interest in singing the lyrics while on the bus to high school.
With songs ranging from “Today” that is sweet sounding and generally a happy tune, to “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” which explains the human rat race in a post apocalyptic world, their lyrics run the spectrum. Their gritty guitars and electro synth stylings are quite literally music to my ears.
I was nervous about this concert, as Lyndsey has some serious mobility issues. Our seats were right off the floor – but I knew she would have to do a tremendous amount of walking. It wasn’t too bad on her, she was a trooper. Due to her issues, the ushers advised us to take a different exit. Instead of going out where everyone else does. We got a little bit of a backstage tour. One that was closely guarded so we had no opportunity or way to go venturing.
I was disappointed that the group isn’t whole, as they have continued without their original bassist, but sometimes that’s the way life goes. Billy Corgan has received a lot of flak over his political views, which I honestly do not care about. He was a professional and didn’t use his band to continue those views while on stage.
It was an enjoyable evening on this year, the year of concerts for me. So far there have been three. One of which, the Foo Fighters, I was unable to attend. I have one more left. Alabama with Travis Tritt. Two acts I never thought I’d be able to see.
I had to start over in life, figuratively speaking. Financially and career wise my life is in the best place it has ever been. But emotionally? It’s a tough tale. That’s where I’m still picking up the pieces.
His love for me? It never faltered. It never failed. It only blossomed over the years.
The torch has been passed, not in a way I wanted it to. It is now up to me on how to handle and direct this sect of the family to proceed. I just have to pull myself up by my boot straps and take care of what needs done.
