August thirteenth. For many, it’s just a normal day. Some years, it’s the dreaded “Friday the 13th.” But for me, it’s my father’s birthday. A day of eternal celebration. Sixty seven years ago, my father was born, at a soon to be decommissioned hospital where me and my children were also born.
That’s me, and that car is only a couple of years old.
From the beginning of my memories, he was my hero. My dad and I were like peanut butter and jelly. Good by ourselves but better together.
I only regret the times that in hindsight I could have spent more time with him but didn’t due to “marital obligations.”
I’m only thankful that his passing has given me guidance on what is important in life, and those are the ones you have, the ones you love.
I have almost every one of his worldly possessions. Some of which are valuable, some of which are not. His clothes are being transformed into quilts for me and his granddaughters. His vehicles are at my house. The thousands of pictures and video he shot over his lifetime are in the process of being digitized. I just need to find a good way to share them with the family – for input on who/what/where regarding a lot of them.
1968. It was a big year in the United States. I only know of it from second and third hand accounts, due to being born in 1980. Little did I know however, how important the events of that year and the sixties in general were to my fathers worldview.
A few months ago, the newspaper from the town my father grew up in said they were looking for him or his ancestors. He had placed something in a time capsule that would be opened. How exciting! Why did he never tell me of this thing?
That day was the start of 3rd grade for my youngest daughter. As soon as I got her contact information, I emailed her explaining the importance of this event to our family and that I would be taking her from school early to attend. My oldest daughter is out of school, but working. She got permission to leave work early to attend as well. I wanted them to be present.
The small meeting room, where the time capsule would be opened was over crowded. The three of us crawled onto the floor and kneeled on the floor between aisles to see it be opened. The event was also live streamed on Facebook.
The tears started flowing as soon as dad’s envelope was called out, with my youngest daughter handing the envelope to my oldest. We left the room to get some space. We were then video taped as I read the letter. I tried but couldn’t keep composure of the words a sixteen year old version of my father wrote.
The contents of the envelope were a typed letter, two newspaper clippings and a post card. I came to tears when I saw the post card. Whenever I would travel anywhere – he would say the phrase “send me a postcard.” Which I did, often.
The newspaper clippings were from both of the assassinated Kennedy brothers, lying in state. His letter primarily spoke of the Kennedy’s. I’m attaching a scan of that letter for the world to see. My daughters and I are continuing this trend, and will be adding something to a new time capsule to be opened in 2068. We will see if I make it. Dad’s letter closes with “see you in 2018.” It broke my heart, and brought my oldest daughter to tears, as he didn’t get to see us.
The loss of him from our lives still breaks our hearts, and forever will.
This summer has been a hard one on me, for a multitude of reasons. Reasons I will outline below.
Work
There have been some changes to my work environment. The director that hired me had to step down and officially become an emeritus due to policies I don’t exactly understand. The new “interim” director isn’t exactly as social or open, and it has the staff and faculty mighty concerned. For instance, he has requested several things that I should have been in the loop on, but I’ve found out third hand about them. We will carry on, but it’s a time of a lot of unknowns. I’m not a fan of unknown.
Fortunately I work for a different department technically, so he does not have the capability to fire me, or even discipline me. But these are my people, and I will stick up for them with everything of my being. It’s who I am professionally.
Vacation
The girlfriend had planned a vacation for all of us, and I left the details up to her this time. It seemed like a fun time, but quickly turned into a nightmare. We went to Williamsburg, KY. They have a waterpark there. What caught my eye was that the fee to get in was only $2 more than it was to get into the local city pool. Attached to the waterpark is a campground. We were all going to camp there for three days, go to the waterpark and try to visit any other sights in the area that weren’t too far away.
When originally planning and booking the site, the weather was supposed to be comfortable, it turned out to be the opposite. We had absolutely 0 shade at our camp site. The tent camp sites were relegated to an area around the “backwash” of the waterpark. It seemed very 3rd class.
Our Campsite
After a day at the waterpark, I got the worst sunburn I’ve ever had in my life. With the combination of the heat and humidity, it felt like it was at least 110 degrees. I was done. My anger and frustrations at this situation couldn’t take anymore.
So I sat in my vehicle with the air conditioning on most of the day. Later, I took a couple of the kids with me, and we drove to wherever. Eventually making it to Chatanooga, TN and turning back around. Me and her got into a fight. For some reason she thought I was going to leave her and her kids there, five hours away from home without a way back home. Did I think about it? Yes. But I could never do something like that.
We ended up staying for the Independence Day fireworks and leaving immediately afterwards. I told her things would be different after this. I needed peace, I require peace.
The next weekend, I took my daughter on a trip she deserved. It was short but sweet. We went to Abraham Lincoln’s birthplace, then went over to The Biltmore Estate. Something her mom and I did 13 years prior, we even stayed in the same hotel.
Lincoln’s BirthplaceBiltmore
The Bathroom
We get home, and my main bathtub faucet wouldn’t stop dripping. This remodel that I had been putting off for 12 years decided for me that it must be done now.
I have 3 bathrooms in my house, and this one has for the most part remained untouched since I purchased my home in 2006. I knew it would need a complete gut, and I wasn’t prepared for the expense. There was mold that would keep coming back. This told me that it was in the wall.
So, after taking essentially two vacations – I am now knee deep in a bathroom renovation.
I have removed the tub surround, purchased a new one (that was just delivered to the store today), had my tub refinished and purchased a new tub faucet.
Now it’s just a matter of installation, and that disaster will be over with partially. Once I get some of these debts paid off, I’m going to complete the rest of the renovation.
This is a bit out of order, forgive as there is just so much to catch up on.
The divorce didn’t leave me with much. I got lucky on several things except for my method of transportation. I was left with the car my now ex-wife had when I met her, a 2001 Kia Rio. I referred to it as the “Clown Car.” As there was literally no leg room in it in the back seats when I sat up front.
So I did what I had to do. I didn’t make enough money to afford anything. I was trying to save my house at the time. I took ownership of it, did some maintenance on it, tinted the windows as it was the hottest vehicle I’ve ever seen in my life.
That was until I took my daughters on a shopping spree for that Christmas following the divorce.
We were on our way back from Indianapolis, when suddenly smoke started filling the car. We suddenly had no heat. I knew any repairs to this car were going to be costly. The car was only worth about $1500 as it was.
Throughout the divorce process, I had been interviewing for the job I currently have. When this car broke down, I made enough to afford that car payment and extra cost for full coverage insurance. So I started thinking, just what do I want?
That’s when I came to the sad realization that manual transmissions aren’t something you can get easily in a lot of vehicles these days. It broke my heart. I wanted a manual transmission, as I’ve had several issues with automatics.
So it came down to the final 3. It would be either a Jeep Unlimited (4 doors), a Chevrolet Colorado (4 door) or a Chrysler 200.
I ended up just buying the first Jeep I saw. A 2010 Jeep Unlimited Sport. The first thing I did was jump in the back seat – to make sure my very important passenger would have enough room. This was critical to me. Boy did it.
Even though it was used, I still had to pay out the nose for it. My credit had been ruined by the ex-wife, so I had to pay an exorbitant interest rate and my monthly payments are almost as much as my mortgage payment.
But seeing the smile on that little girl’s face, makes it all worth it. Every single penny.
Two and a half years later, I’ve put over 40k miles on it. We’ve criss crossed the country. Going as far west as Yellowstone National Park, and as far north as North Dakota in it.
Today marks one year since I’ve seen my father alive. It was at our annual family Thanksgiving celebration, which I’ve been told by my uncle has been happening continuously since the 1950’s.
Here’s the last photo I took of my father, acting in only the way my father did, he’s the one on the right.
That’s him proclaiming “something” to my uncle Larry. He was always so social, something I really didn’t understand until I went through this divorce.
This year really changed as far as our family gathering are concerned. It’s compromised of a gathering of clans of our family. 3 to be exact. This year one of those clans decided to go on their own, which reduced the number of people by half or more.
At first there were questions as to whether it would happen or not. With all of the things I’ve lost in life this year, it really concerned me. This was really the last thing I counted on in life left.
Fortunately, it did happen. For that, I am thankful. I am also thankful that I was able to share this day with my beautiful daughters. They are the light of my dark life.
When I got home, I had a message from my mother. It’s the first time I’ve heard from her since Valentine’s day. Sadly, I must keep her as a piece of my past. If she even knew what was happening I would not receive any support. I would be greeted with “I told you so.”
My father was the person who never gave up on me in life. Due to his own personal issues, I faced a lot of pain and mental anguish but he was always there and never questioning. When I became an adult, I made the realization that he was doing the best he could with the tools he had and forgave any transgressions I had.
Me & Dad, Halloween 1985
From as early as I can remember, he was my buddy. We did everything together. I formed a lot of myself in his image. To this day people that knew him even sometimes call me by his name.
He gave me gifts that I still treasure to this day. The love of the open road, the beauty of music and comedy and I’m just starting to embrace his love of being a people person.
He was an amazing grandparent and loved his grand daughters more than I ever knew he could. While he was nervous with Taylor, primarily because he never had a daughter. But when Amelia came around, he welcomed her with open arms. It was a beautiful thing to see them love each other in the way a grandparent-grandchild should. It was one of the things that actually gave me a deep love for having children.
Dad & Amelia
Dad grew up without a father, and very poor. While he never spoke with me about it directly, I can only imagine that is why he was such a good father and provider for me. He always jumped head first into anything I became excited about and would support me in any way doing so. I often question my own parenting abilities based on his example.
He was a hard working man his entire life, working sometimes 36 hours straight while I was a child. The last decade of his life he worked in a custodial role at IU at night, while taking film classes at IU during the day. A passion he had and kept his entire life. He dreamed of becoming a Stanley Kubrick. He became a kid with the thoughts of the film making process. He loved using his grand daughters as subjects for his films.
When I got my first full time job in 8 years, dad was so proud that he made an announcement in front of our family at Thanksgiving. That would be the last time I saw my father alive.
My stepmother, for whom many of my struggles as a child were caused by did a complete turn and seemed genuine for the first time since I can remember. She involved me in much of the process, and paid for everything. She provided me with an inheritance and I am now the proud owner of dad’s truck. Most of my memories of him were of our times in a vehicle. So it means a lot to me.
We were never a father/son combo that said “I Love You” to each other much. It was just always known and didn’t have to be said. But I wanted to see it and be reminded of it for the rest of my life. So I found a card that he wrote to me while I was at a camp as a teenager, and got the words he wrote tattooed on my left forearm.
Try to do me proud. This is ol’ Dad signing off. Love, Dad
Looking back, his death was a watershed moment in my life. It was the moment when I decided that I no longer wanted my mother in my life. Even though she was the only parent I had left. It was the moment when I felt like much of the world I had built around me wasn’t as genuine as it appeared. He was the glue that held many things in my life together, without him those walls started falling.
Rest in peace dad. You star was very bright, and I know it’s shining down on me. I miss you, and will so forever.
Ever since I was a kid I have had a huge fascination with motorcycles. Some of it was the fact that I never had one. My best friend had one for a while, and I rode it like it was mine. When I was 14, my dad bought the scooter my friend had at the time. He in turn got a brand new one. After a few months, someone sabotaged it. I couldn’t get it started again. I ended up selling it for $400 and bought a Sony Discman with it. That’s right kids, CD players (especially portable ones) used to be really expensive.
It was a worthy investment. I had that Discman for around 10 years. I left it doing what it did best, spinning CD’s to play for customers at Big Red Liquors.
Back to the point. That seed that was planted in me as a child never went away. I don’t know if it was my mind yearning for times gone by, or if I just enjoyed motorcycles that much.
Due to my epilepsy, nobody felt comfortable with the idea of me even owning one, let alone riding one. I understood, but wasn’t happy about it. Since I’ve had my VNS implanted, I’ve only had 1 seizure due to me not taking my medicine.
A friend of mine was selling his motorcycle, and what blew me away is that it was my wife who suggested I look at it. Any previous attempts to bring that subject up would be presented with “the look.” I decided to pass on his, but since I had her “on the line” I thought I would keep looking, and I ended up falling in love.
I found an 1982 Honda CB750SC, commonly known as a Nighthawk on Craigslist. It wasn’t perfect, and it’s almost as old as me. The owner had done some customizing to it, which really makes it stand out. After some back and forth about hearing it run, which I finally did, I bought it.
There’s just something about newer motorcycles that I just don’t like. I think a large part of it is the lack of chrome and character I see in affordable models. Harley’s look nice, but I’ve already got 1 mortgage.
As of right now the motorcycle is in pieces. I’ve had to do a complete cleaning of the carburetors, the front brakes are not working and I’m having some work done to the plastic panels on it.
I can’t wait to get out on the road with her. I just need a good name. I’m hoping to have it road worthy by mid summer. Just enough time to get some riding in.
Through the years I’ve wrote a lot about my on-going home renovation projects. I’ve done so many that I’m now down to doing large projects instead of small “easy” ones. Our bathrooms have been easily the most neglected spaces of our home. We’ve decided to finally remodel them, they deserve it.
Our master bathroom, which is a half-bathroom needs the least work and will be done first. It is by far the smallest room in the house. Measuring in at 4′ x 6′, there isn’t much room for anything.
We’re adding texture to the walls as a quick fix. Originally wallpaper was put up, but we took it down. What remains is dried glue and many places where repair is needed. With a little joint compound and some creativity – It’ll look beautiful. Surprisingly there is a standard size double hung window in the room. To give privacy the original owners installed plantation shutters. Both of us hate them (especially in this room), so I’ll be applying some window tinting to give some privacy and save space.
The flooring is carpeted. I would like to know what drugs people were on in the 60’s and 70’s that made them think that a type of flooring that likes to hold water was a good idea in a room with nothing but plumbing! We haven’t decided what we are going to put in just yet, but it will probably be vinyl flooring of some type.
The only remaining items in that bathroom are the lavatory, medicine cabinet and lighting fixture. One weekend Rachel and I went to our local home improvement stores and without an argument, agreed on almost everything we need. We have some pieces that will be the same in both bathrooms, but each will have their own style.
The main bathroom is a completely different story than the master. This bathroom was not built right to begin with. When we moved into the house, the drain lines for the toilet and tub had to be replaced. The tub surround is merely tile that has been glued onto the drywall. Mold is in no short supply in this room. I’ve decided that I’m going to gut this room except for the ceiling. I expect some repair work will be needed on wall studs or joists.
What we have decided, mainly based on our experiences is that we need to have a better tub surround system. After searching high and low I found one. It goes from the top of the tub to the ceiling. There is also an optional cap component that acts as a ceiling for the shower, encapsulating that area from water infiltration.
We’re also going to install a whirlpool tub, score.
It’s been way too long since my last post. It seems as if I forget about my little corner of the world here and forget to drop in and reflect on my life, which is the main reason for this blog.
At the beginning of last summer, I accepted a position with VICOPS (Collaboration Technologies) at Indiana University. This small department handles all of the videoconferencing/collaboration resources for the entire Indiana University system and outside affiliates. I work for the help desk, where we take telephone and video calls for assistance with issues regarding technologies such as desktop videoconferencing, Adobe Connect, Telepresence, etc.
At the beginning of the fall I was offered and accepted a full time hourly position with them. I no longer have to worry about finding multiple jobs to fill hours. It has been a great relief to my family as well. I never realized how much I actually treasure steady working hours.
I’m only 10 credit hours away from graduating. This semester I’m taking nothing but Informatics and Computer Science courses. Most of these are just introductory courses, which are a cakewalk for someone with my knowledge in the subject.
My business has received a much needed injection of attention. After changing the name from LML Video Services to Magic Media Services, things just died out. I then put a request on reddit for someone to help redesign the logo for my business. I was more than surprised at the results when someone obliged my request. I am now working on redesigning my website, which will be located somewhere on the rox.com domain temporarily.
Rachel and I finally got “grown up” furniture for our bedroom. With the assistance of my neighbor Bill we got a new dresser, chest of drawers, headboard, armoire and night stand. We also purchased a new mattress and box spring, which was needed greatly. Our old, borrowed furniture went back to my grandma who lent it to us over 10 years ago. I can’t thank her enough for the kindness in her heart.
Over the weekend I replaced the first of three sinks in our home. The one in our utility room (they are all exactly the same) started leaking about a gallon of water a day. The drain was rusted out, but I couldn’t replace it as it was seized together. The shut off valves for the water lines were seized as well. With all of the water problems this area had previously, we knew this was going to be ugly. Since we needed a place to give Amelia a bath while remodeling our main bathroom (which will be happening soon) we decided to purchase a utility sink for the space. 8 hours and 3 trips to Menards later, I was both finished with the project and worn our physically and mentally.
On the ROX side of life, I’m currently downloading the latest finished episode for distribution to CATS. #96 will be on the air soon in Monroe county.
Hopefully I’ll be back soon with more organized and focused posts.
I wanted to do something big for my 30th birthday. The original plan was skydiving, but I weigh too much. My fabulous wife found something almost as good, a guy in Madison Indiana flys people in his open cockpit bi-plane. With him you can just fly, do some aerobatics, and even take “the stick” and fly the plane.
Unfortunately with our hectic schedule, making this a reality became too much for us to handle and that idea was eventually scrapped.
Fortunately our airport often hosts airplanes that travel the country and offer flights. These are not just cessna’s, but historical airplanes. Last fall we checked out the WWII B17 bomber. While I would have loved to, we could not afford the flight as the $450 price was just too much.
It’s an amazing piece of avionic history. We actually climbed through the plane, which has very tight quarters. It was made even more difficult by to us carrying a 1 year old through it.
Last month a Ford Tri-Motor came, and this time the price was very reasonable.
This plane was one of the planes that started commercial aviation, just to have the opportunity blew me away. This was also the first time I had ever flown from my local airport.
Our flight path was simple and took less time than I had expected. We flew to the south side of Bloomington, near where old 37 and new 37 meet. We then turned north and headed to 2nd street where we flew between 2nd and 3rd street back to the airport.
Due to the proximity of my home to the airport, I got a picture of my neighborhood(if you look at the hi-res version you can see fires & tree damage from the tornado)! We see planes take off and come in for landings all the time, but I had never got to see the plane’s perspective before.
Planes today hold hundreds of passengers, this one only held 9. The cabin was tight, but I felt more comfortable in this plane than in our modern counterparts. I was sitting in the very back, a seat that was reserved for the “steward” was the only thing behind me.
I was busy while we were in the air. I had my camera and an iPhone; I was utilizing all of their capabilities. I even tweeted mid-flight!
I say this often, and I can’t reiterate it enough. Without the past, we have no future. I have to give thanks to the EAA AirVenture Museum for giving me this opportunity. I greatly appreciated it.
I’ll leave you with our landing. If you notice when we touch down, the wheel on my side doesn’t touch for a while!
