Category: Health

That Empty Feeling

Since I’ve started taking Chantix, and quit smoking.  I have this strange feeling, it’s like I’m empty inside now.

While non smokers may not understand what I’m talking about, its more mental than physical and in my case has deep implications.

When you smoke, that’s always your out, or “thing” to do.  Some smokers, like me, always try to “do” something like smoke.  It helps pass the time.

Now that I’m not enjoying my habit, my life feels empty.  It’s very strange, and I’m still getting used to it.

To help, I have been making trips to the nearest gas stations every night to get a pop or ice cream, etc.  It makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something.  Others think I’m just using it as an excuse to smoke, but I’m staying true this time.

Giving Up The Monster

I have attempted to quit smoking many times.  I have used the patch, gum and lozenges.

This time I’m taking a more pharmaceutical try.  Last Tuesday, I had an appointment with my physician who I hadn’t seen in almost 10 years.  He prescribed Chantix, an interesting drug.

This drug works in a very interesting manner, and there are other drugs which work the same way, just on different drugs.

It works by blocking and eventually killing the receptors in the brain that crave and cause a person to desire nicotine.  I worked on a similar drug at Baxter that did the same thing regarding alcohol.  There is another one I know of that works with morphine.

I’m still smoking, my official quit date is Monday.  Chantix is taken for a week while you smoke, to build up the drugs level in your system.

I deeply hope I’m able to drop this habit.  My health isn’t as good as it should be, at $4 to $5 a pack, it’s not a cheap habit.  We guesstimate that it’s costing between $1000 and $1500 a year.

Wish me luck!

I Thought It Was Over

Last night I received a call from my daughters mother.  Taylor had a seizure!

I was almost certain this was over, when she was around 1 she had a few seizures.

This brought me into an immediate depression with thoughts that I had passed it to her via my DNA.  I was assured by the doctor’s that since I was not born with epilepsy, I could not pass it to my children.  I’m starting to doubt that.

There are 2 events that occurred that could have actually given Taylor an impact to her brain to eventually cause epilepsy.  When her mom was 3 months pregnant with her, she had a bad car accident.  She broke her ankle and did a number on her nose.  Her car was turned into a V shape.  Then, when Taylor was a few months old an incident occured with my mother.  My mother was watching her for the day, she went and got some groceries and upon her return to home, placed Taylor on the counter in her car seat.  Taylor proceeded to rock a little bit, and she fell to the floor, face first.  She had a black eye that just made you cry.

Taylor had a few seizures a few months after the 2nd incident occurred.

There are some strange coincidences around this though.  Both my sister and I have epilepsy, and it started around the same age.  In both cases it has been contributed to blows to the head, but it can’t be proven to the Nth degree.

I hope my daughter doesn’t have to go through this horrible condition.  I believe it makes you a better person inside, but nobody wants their children to go through things such as these.

Hang in there Tator Bug.  Daddy loves you.

 

Is The World Spinning, Or Is It Just Me?

Not too long after I awoke today, something very strange happened to me.

I had what I’m calling a mini-seizure.

Just as I was about to take my morning dose of anti-seizure medication, the world started spinning.  It felt like when you get off of a tilt-a-whirl, and still feel like your spinning.

I lost all orientation.  Trying to be smart, I even stepped to the left to “try” to walk as swiftly as I could to my bed.

My stomach became very upset as well, and stayed that way for most of the day.

My dizzy feelings went away after a few minutes, and I laid down to rest my weary mind.

My mental capacity has also been diminished most of the day.  Here it is almost 1am and I’m wide awake, my mind bursting with thoughts.

I hope this is the optimist in me speaking, but one very good thing happened here today, I never lost consciousness!  This has only happened one other time, 7 years ago.

I hope I will someday be as lucky as Editor B.  He had epilepsy for years, and it eventually went away.  The jury’s still out on my case, but this may be a step in the right direction.

Just Another Manic Monday

Oh wait, it’s Tuesday right now.  Anyways, Monday wasn’t a good day for the magic man.  About 5:30am I began feeling dizzy and lightheaded.  A sure sign that a seizure was coming on.  Not good for someone who is constantly driving equipment costing between 100 and 200k!

I decided to lay down, but where?  This is a dirty, grimy shop with nothing comfortable in sight.  So I clocked out and headed for my truck.  CJ said he would wake me in an hour or so.

I must say the nap really helped out, for a while.

As soon as I got home, I started having horrible stomach cramps.  I knew what was coming, and I didn’t like it.  I ended up praying to the porcelain god for over 2 hours.

Once I got to sleep, the phone began to ring.  Sometimes I heard it, sometimes I didn’t.  I’m a very heavy sleeper.  In the end I had 14 missed calls on my cell, and 13 messages on the answering machine.

Mostly my wife.