That’s what my body is now waving. I’ve been going through what I can only call a period of hell. One where my body screams at me constantly. With my only real escape being sleep (when I’m able to get it).
My prescribed pain medications are no longer working. Chiropractor visits are effective for a few hours. This large inversion table in my home merely takes up additional space, providing no relief.
Due to that, I have finally given in to undergoing a surgical procedure on my spine. I’ve done everything non surgical twice just to be sure. It will be a great “Christmas” present to me, as I am having it on December 23rd.
If you read my blog, keep me in your thoughts. I’m tired of surviving, and want to get back to living again.
Saturday night as I was laying down to go to bed, a large POP and CRACK occurred in my back. I’ve been dealing with this bulged disk for over a year now. Was this a good sign or a bad one?
So far, the news is positive. The nerve pain I have been having has almost disappeared. I still have some slight issues, but nowhere near what I was having.
This means I can actually stand without my leg going numb completely. I still have some numbness, but nowhere near the levels that I had previously.
I plan on getting a hold of the spinal specialist I saw previously to have another CT scan done to see if there are indeed any changes. If so, I definitely won’t have to have any surgery. Something I was genuinely worried about.
Steve, Kelly & I at the Runciple Spoon
I felt so good that I was able to go out and see a couple of friends, one of which was in town from Milwaukee for the LOTUS festival. I had planned on seeing them during the festival, but my back had been hurting so much I barely moved the entire weekend.
Almost two weeks ago I received a call from my uncle in Michigan. It was bad news. My aunt Marty was in the hospital and it didn’t look like she would recover.
Marty flippin’ my dad the bird, circa late 80’s.
I told him that I would be there the next day. After clearing things with my new job, I hit the road. A journey I hadn’t made in eight years. Shortly behind me was my girlfriend. She stayed behind as we were not sure if Amelia wanted to come.
My favorite sign from their house.
My aunt and uncle moved to Michigan in 1995 from Greenfield, where they had the largest house I had ever stayed in. Their employer had been bought out and they were offered jobs in Detroit, or they could find new jobs and stay. They decided to go.
My dad’s trusty Blazer with my uncle showing off his new house.
She worked in the branches eventually becoming an Associate Vice President of the bank before her retirement. Always firey, always full of attitude. I know why my uncle fell in love with her.
She has a son, who was on Jeopardy at one point. In all these years, I’ve yet to meet him however.
I arrived; and my uncle and I immediately went to the hospital. It was bad. I was suddenly confronted with the reason why I missed out on several family members passing. After going through what happened with my grandfather, I could no longer go to such situations. I had to, my uncle suddenly had no other family. He needed someone to be there for him; and I was going to make sure he wasn’t alone.
Sadly, my aunt didn’t make it. Her condition only eroded until she passed away on 9/11/2022 at 5:30pm.
Her attitude, her voice and her humor formed the basis of why I love women the way I do. Her ferocity towards all things are why I love women who refuse to apologize for being their honest selves. I had no other symbols of female power as close to me as she was in my family.
I will forever miss you Marty. You made this little boy love women just like you.
If you follow this blog, you may wonder why it’s been so long since there have been any new posts made. There are several reasons, but primarily because my entire household has been dealing with COVID for the last three months.
At first it was the youngest of the household, Kira. She had been sick for a while but none of us suspected COVID. Then the following day, I began to have post nasal drip and a sore throat. I tested positive on a home test, and proceeded to be in a state of semi conciousness for several days. As soon as I felt safe enough to drive I scheduled a PCR test at CVS. It confirmed what we all knew.
This silly variant would not let go of my body. For a period of 3 weeks I would travel to the same CVS to get the same PCR test every few days. I did not want to be a cause of spread, even though the FDA recommendations as well as IU’s were to quarantine for 5 days, and you were free to return to activities if you had no fever for 24 hours.
Then, our Queen was hit with it. Already dealing with sickness and pains that had kept her in bed for months; she was to stay there some more. She however, decided to seek treatment where I and her daughter did not. She received the anti-viral mediciation Paxlovid.
Our Queen is special you see. If there is a side effect, she usually receives it. If it can be an allergen, she probably has an allergy to it. This makes any situation with health related issues difficult at best.
Thankfully she took it in stride for the most part, she was unable to take her medication for anxiety and had a weird taste in her mouth due to the Paxlovid.
We are all for the most part better now. Kira seemed to pickup another cold of sorts, and Lyndsey and I continue to carry on with our various back and other issues due to the case of getting old.
It’s been three months since I’ve written in my blog, and to me that’s a genuine dis-service. Life has not been easy on me for a few months. Between my back issues, increasing and ever present tensions at my employer across the board, and some financial difficulties, I just want to hide.
And so that has been a lot of my life as of late, hiding. I go to work because I would lose everything I have if I didn’t. But then? Then I hide away. Spending much of my time in my bedroom either asleep or with something on my TV while I doze in and out of consciousness.
Spoon Theory is a good metaphor for how I feel.
The things that used to be easy, take much of the finite amount of energies I do have. I have been doing a lot of looking within as of late, and I don’t like what I see.
I purchased a new dishwasher, which led into me replacing my kitchen floor. I didn’t want to put this nice appliance in with such a hideous floor, one that had been there since quite possibly the mid 1980’s.
I take pride in my abilities to do manual labor, but my body has been saying no to such ventures more and more to the point where I just need to stop trying and start giving into what my body is telling me.
The existing floor is (or should I say was) was compromised of two layers of linoleum. Full of bumps and holes and all of the bad parts of the 80’s. I first wanted to go with a classic black and white checkerboard look. Unfortunately I couldn’t find a supplier that had what I was looking for that was as durable as I wanted. That’s when I made the choice to upgrade to tile, an area that I’ve never worked in before.
We found a tile we liked, and since my girlfriend’s place has a tile kitchen I knew I wanted it to have a heating system. So I pulled a very expensive trigger.
Mittens in LTR or Leather finish
I wanted to do the prep work, so they could just come in and lay the tile. I “thought” I was proceeding properly, but learned yesterday I was wrong. Part of our contract was for me to remove the appliances, trim and ensure the subfloor was at least 5/8″ thick. I missed a little detail though. They wanted it to be in OSB.
The subfloor of my entire home is comprised of what is commonly called chipboard. It’s essentially dust from woodworking that’s glued together and compressed to form a dimensional, workable piece of wood. It has a couple of real negatives. Water will cause it to disintegrate, and it isn’t as solid as other forms of sub flooring, something needed and in most cases required for tile.
My first step in preparing the area was to remove the way the water line for the ice maker was configured and install a “box” in the wall for it. Oddly, while doing this I discovered that someone had already drilled a hole for this purpose but never completed the task. Someone had just drilled a hole in the floor and ran a line through it.
I will fix the additional space I had to cut below after the tile is installed
Last weekend, I began the real preparations as I thought they would be. My neighbor helped me pickup some 4’x8′ sheets of 1/4″ luan plywood. This is commonly used to make flooring smoother or increase the thickness of the floor. I was using it for the latter purpose.
I removed all of the appliances, sans the dishwasher and was going to begin on removing the existing flooring on Saturday morning. I woke to discover my wonderful girlfriend had removed the vast majority of it while I was sleeping.
Her at bottom, her daughter at left
We both felt that the lower layer of flooring was much better looking than the one above it. I wonder why they put new flooring down that was less durable and definitely not as visually pleasing?
I took all of the old stuff downstairs, and cleaned the floor. We noticed some spots seemed to have black mold on them, probably from water leaks over the years. So I bought some mold killing sprays and sprayed them down.
Then I brought that luan up and called it a night. I only had 1 day left, but those activities alone had taken all the strength I had out of me. My injured back was also screaming at me.
So I laid 2 sheets of the luan down, removed the dishwasher and thought they would just lay the rest of the luan down. Boy was I wrong.
Now I’ll be spending roughly $500 more on this project, not due to what I did – but because of what my body couldn’t do. Something my soul used to love doing. My soul needs that harmony back in in some way. I just need to learn the lines of what I can and cannot do.
I’m writing this blog post early on a Saturday morning while I give technology assistance for a series of talks being given by pediatric healthcare professionals, one of which being my own pediatrician who was also the pediatrician for my own daughters.
The first part of the week was extremely difficult on my body, still primarily in significant amounts of pain from my still not completely but partially diagnosed problem. The department I work for remodeled two office spaces. While they hired moving and setups to move the equipment out, they wanted me to move it all back. Sigh.
So I got to work on Monday, and spent most of the week ensuring it was all done. That said, in their grand plan they didn’t consider the infrastructure that was also needed to be moved during this remodel. Since I wasn’t even consulted about any of this, a new and ever increasing trend, I am going to let them lay in the bed they made. I had to run a cable across one room so a computer would have network access.
A office, created from what was open space
Then, the real bang for the week. I seem to have become a “figure” in the county’s continued fight against Annexation by the city of Bloomington, which I have written about before: https://lee-lawmaster.com/no/ https://lee-lawmaster.com/a-nail-in-the-coffin/
My township trustee typically places her official communications to community members on the social media site NextDoor. On one post in particular, many were asking about how we can take the next (and final step) in fighting annexation, taking our case to court as we are allowed to by law. I use the word “we” metaphorically as I am not a member of any areas that are being annexed. Several asked about the creation of a go-fund-me as a common place to donate funds to hire counsel and get the process started.
This is when my “man of action” senses took over, and I made one. I then told all in that thread about it, providing them the link and told them to share. It has kind of blown up.
The township trustee said we would need a minimum of $10,000 to hire counsel, so I set the goal accordingly. I have heard from several in the business community who want to provide large donations as well. Per state law, if the case is sided for the remonstrators, they (members of the class to be annexed) can receive up to $37,500 back for legal fees.
Unaware of what attention this was getting, not seeing any mention of this on any other social media platforms, I reached out to a man I admire. He’s an amazing photojournalist and a self described pirate. He runs a respected news outlet locally that I try to support as much as possible, The Bloomingtonian. He asked for a press release and the wheels started spinning in my mind. I also had a phone conversation with the man that runs B Square Beacon. He said that he would put it in his daily release as a bullet point. I had never spoken or interacted with him before, it was kind of exciting.
I can barely write, now to write a structured document that you spread far and wide? HOW? So I reached out to a hero and friend of mine that knows a thing or two about press releases, Joe Nickell. In his very peculiar yet amazing way he gave me a 101 course on how to write one, including a couple of his own examples. I was off to the races.
Using Joe’s guidance, I wrote it and sent it to both places I previously mentioned plus the Herald Times, our “local” paper that has been taken over by a mega corp. Then I told my friend Michael Leonard about it, who runs The B-Town Bee and is a former long time columnist with the Herald Times. He said he would sic one of his journalism students on me, and HE DID. Gee, thanks there pal.
The Herald Times government reporter wanted to interview me, and before I knew it I was getting texts from an unknown number that was that journalism student. The reporter for the Herald Times said that they are putting a piece together for publication on Monday. The journalism student interviewed me as well, and introduced herself as being with the IDS (the IU Student newspaper) instead of being personal.
I have had almost daily calls with my township trustee as updates to the ongoing situation and feel as if I’ve become a central figure to this. I was just trying to help my neighbors, I love my neighbors and I love the area in which I grew up and live to this day.
I also received an odd email from a person representing a “news” site I had never heard of, The Lawrence County Zephyr. My youngest daughter, who lives in Lawrence county had never heard of it either. I sent him the press release and he published it.
The Gist of It
5 of 7 areas Bloomington wanted to annex received enough petitions for remonstrance to stop it, pending any litigation the city may file due to their believe that a state law that created an expiration date for utility waivers is unconstitutional. 2 of the areas received enough petitions for remonstrance to take their cases to court and be ruled by a judge.
Stolen from B Square Beacon and highly appreciated
State law states the court filing has to be done within 15 working days of the auditors released findings. Hence the rush. This is the only tool my neighbors in 1A have to use to stop this annexation from happening. We cannot leave 1B in the cold, and have been inclusive of them as well.
This annexation has been full of drama, with the state passing a law that was later ruled unconstitutional that stopped it for a few years. It’s also wide swathing with little promises for a big price.
Personally I call it a tax heist, as the tax rates for these areas will in some cases more than double, with those funds going to the city. My own tax rates will rise 26% per a county council member. Many question if any services the city promises will deliver will ever be delivered. This can also remove choice from the table for many people in these areas. The police department is under staffed and under paid, this will add to the stresses they are already facing, creating an even more hostile police force. The public school system that covers most of the county, MCCSC will also lose over 1 million dollars annually, at last I read.
Thankfully in the time period between when the first attempt was stopped and the second began, our township fire departments got together and created a Fire Protection District, which is protected from annexations. Originally the city was going to severely gut these fire departments, which are a staple in the communities they serve. A major factor in my choice to purchase a home where I did was it’s vicinity to a particular fire station.
It has required an increase in property taxes – but one I appreciate. Something the city does not exactly understand. They just put out bonds for millions of dollars and increase taxes on it’s residents to pay for it. Members of the city council have stated that they don’t listen to the people that elected them. I want nothing to do with the city, and showed as such during the first “informational” meeting they held. This meeting was just city hall full of signs, there was no actual meeting.
My body isn’t the only thing falling apart, my house is as well. It’s time I rectify the problems before I’m drowning in them. Who am I kidding, I am drowning in them.
Almost four years ago, after returning from a vacation I came home to discover that the bath faucet for my main bathroom would not shut off completely. This began #reno2018. I had already tried to refurbish the faucet, and was informed no parts were made for it anymore. The only option was to replace. However, my financial attentions were distracted after spending roughly $3000 on the shower/bath areas alone.
I was however able to use child labor for a vast majority of the work.
How has she changed since this photo was taken.
Unfortunately, the piece called a drop elbow (this is what your shower head attaches to) was faulty and had to be replaced. The water it leaked has caused mold to start to form essentially in the top left corner of this photo. I will possibly have to replace all of the drywall in that area as well.
The rest of the plans for the bathroom include changing the light fixtures, including the exhaust fan, a new sink and lavatory, new mirror, new electrical receptacles and switches, door and the major feature being a nickel floor (a floor made from nickels).
How I left the remodel
The other major item is unfortunately my kitchen as well. Immediately after purchasing this home, all of the kitchen appliances decided to quit working. Fifteen years of use have provided their toil on them, and so the dishwasher said it was done. I purchased a new one, which has been delivered but not installed. Why? The kitchen floor is in horrible shape, and I’d rather replace it before installing this new quite fancy dishwasher.
The first step in that process is to move the water line that goes to the ice maker in my refrigerator. When originally installed, a hole was simply drilled into the floor. Over the years I have just used it as is.
Today, I installed what is called an “icemaker box.” These are made to be installed before the walls are installed, which made the installation problematic.
Step 1, cut hole in wall next to stud
As you can see in the above photo, that water line coming up through the floor. The floor is a 2nd layer on top of the original kitchen floor. Both being made of what is commonly called linoleum.
Then came the not so fun part. I assumed I would have to drill a hole through the bottom plate to give passage to the water line, but I was in luck – there was already a hole existing. The 1/2″ PEX tubing fit. But fitting this box into this hole became an issue, so I cut some additional drywall out to give room for the water line coming out of the bottom of the box.
Installed, but not yet complete
When trying to position the “ears” on the side of the box between the drywall and the stud, they just instantly snapped off. It was frustrating to say the least. That said, the width of the whole I cut was snug enough to hold the box, and the face place gives more friction which causes the box to not really move at all.
The only thing left is to actually connect the line, which I will wait to do until the floor is replaced. I will do this by cutting the PEX to fit, and attaching with a 1/2″ female thread adapter to where the line is connected currently.
I am hiring the job of replacing the floor out, to who I’m not entirely sure yet. The last job I ever did as a contractor was just this, replacing a kitchen floor. It’s actually part of why I’m hiring it out. While moving their refrigerator back, I ruined the floor. I was completely embarrassed.
My primary want on the floor is for it to be a black & white checkerboard vinyl tile. I am not a fan of regular tile due to the temperature fluctuations. These vinyl tiles fascinate me to the point where I legitimately want them in my own home. This is not “peel & stick” but legitimate tile.
Just a random example.
However, it seems hard to find. So I am looking at alternatives. I plan on changing my cabinets to white, with black stone countertops. I might go with something that gives a natural stone look as I prefer the French Country Kitchen look.
Unfortunately this is only the beginning of a lot of updates/fixes that have been a long time coming. I just wished my back felt better so I could do more.
In the past several months there have been some significant changes in management at Indiana University, my employer. Changes that are removing all of it’s appeals to persons like myself that rely upon it for their way of life.
There has been some controversy to the hiring of our new president, Pamela Whitten. As the trustees performed some questionable actions that resulted in her hiring. That said, I have no real evidence that any of these changes that from my point of view have become somewhat widespread are linked to her. They are however linked somewhere at the top tier of leadership at the university, it smells of it.
Over the soon to be six years I have been in this position, there have been ebbs and flows to my performance but it has never been in question. Not once. I am the defacto person that others across the state are told to come to if they have difficulties or questions. I have went on trips to other centers to take care of technology issues at the locations which do not have their own IT personnel.
Now however? It appears everything I do is wrong. Communications throughout the department have been cut. Instead of a casual atmosphere where we are all co-workers with our own specific roles, it is now tight lipped. You don’t know who is your friend and who is your foe.
In the last meeting I had with my director, he essentially told me to just shut up and do the job, with a very alpha like attitude. Not a way he and I’s conversations had ever been like before.
There is now an extremely paranoid level of knowing where I am between 7:30am and 4:00pm daily. To the point where I have to place such information, including doctors appointments, sick time or movements on campus on multiple locations electronically.
For the past few weeks, we have begun “stand up” meetings daily. Where each one of us have to discuss what we did yesterday, what we did today and if we have any roadblocks to being successful. For a few years, we have also had to submit a weekly report summarizing the tasks we accomplished. We also have a ticketing system that is integrated with most of the university. A replication and micromanagement that only again, wastes time in my opinion.
The advancement of hostilities towards me seems to only continue at a fever pace, as during my 1 on 1 meeting with my manager today, she had a person from HR in the meeting. This person primarily was just there, I’m not sure of the official reasoning, but it told me everything I needed to hear. Just the presence.
In this meeting, I was told that I say too much in my emails and communications with others, while at the same time being told that I don’t communicate enough. That I “have” to be available on Skype for Business, Microsoft Teams and Slack from 7:30am until 4:00pm Monday through Friday. That any and all reasons why I am not in the office needs to be on my calendar, which has to be shared or a departmental staff calendar. That I need to have “standard” hours going forward, something that has never been discussed.
With the issues in supply chain right now, receiving needed technology equipment, such as docking stations and monitors has been impossible at best. I was then told that I need to update people at minimum every two weeks on the status of this equipment. There are items I have been waiting 4 months on. To send 8 emails telling people “I don’t know when I will receive” your (insert thing here) seems to be micromanagement at it’s best.
After being informed of all of these wrongdoings that I did not have any knowledge about, my manager then asked me if I had any questions. I learned a very long time ago when HR is involved, the only play is to not play at all. They are not there for you, they are there for the company they represent. I was for the most part, silent during the entire meeting. I do not know if it was recorded or not.
Mind you, all of this is being instigated by our new Financial Director, who has only been at the job for 3 months. She speaks to my manager and director about all of this. Do they become supportive of me? No, it’s quite clear that this is information a person 1 pay grade lower is not privy to, even though it’s directly about him. It’s quite clear that my actual leadership does not care.
My manager then went on to tell me that while many people in my position feel “alone” that we are not, and then went on a diatribe about how since we are now a part of UITS we have more doors opened to us. While at the same time, urging me not to reach out to units like UIPO or UISO – which are units of UITS.
At the same point in time, I am dealing with a back injury. Something I have never had an issue with in my life. I have not been able to get proper healthcare partially due to the pandemic and partially due to my VNS implant. The stress of both of these has sent me into both physical and emotional turmoil.
I don’t know where life will lead me from here. I was in a place where I felt secure in the future. Right now I don’t know if I will have a job tomorrow.
These games that are being played on me by management and leadership are pushing me to both my emotional and physical limits.
I went to IU to get away from this. The real world treated me like this, while my time at IU has never been sunshine and roses I have never felt “less than” those I work with, those I support, those I look up to. I sure do now.
At the same time I am being inundated by emails from the university mentioning how important mental health care is while at the same time I am having my mental health destroyed by IU itself. Something has got to give. A coordinator and Associate Director has already resigned. The Associate Director a MD, told me she no longer felt as if her voice mattered.
It’s been a while since I’ve written, in this very public online journal of sorts that I’ve kept since 2006. A journal that has been the primary influence of improving my writing and reading skills beyond the rudimentary levels I was provided by my local public school system.
So much has changed since I last wrote. A disk in my back has decided to give me immense pain that only sleeping or laying in bed seems to resolve. A mountain of issues cropped up on my Jeep. My job has done a 180 on me, with two people resigning at this point, and I’ve had several computer jobs pop up on me.
Much like the Bowie song, I feel under pressure. Tremendous pressure.
