For the past two weeks I have kept going back to this Taylor Swift song.
The key part being this verse: “I should not be left to my own devices They come with prices and vices I end up in crisis (tale as old as time) I wake up screaming from dreaming One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving ‘Cause you got tired of my scheming”
On Sunday April 7th, 2024 my fiancée and partner of almost 8 years left me. She’s cited various reasons that I won’t be listing here.
Just to restate some lyrics from that song, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me At tea time, everybody agrees.”
I’m not writing this for sympathy. I’m not writing this as a victim of loss. I’m writing this to get public thoughts out.
I have a problem listening to those I love. Especially those called “the love of my life.” I failed to respect her feelings, losing her heart, soul, and love. Our friendship got lost along the way, and I feel that played a major role in her decision to leave.
I must and will better myself, and for myself. I will be seeing a counselor very soon. I am working on resolving my longstanding back issues. I am going to the gym and doing my best to lead an active lifestyle compared to how my life has been over the last three years. I’m reading like I never have before, trying to improve myself and to learn more about why things went how they did so I may avoid this ever happening in the future.
I am using my support network and creating new connections and looking forward. Life is a hard mix of optimism and sadness. Like many things however, this too shall pass.
October 23rd, 2022 was a grand day for Star Trek, Bloomington & The Janeway Collective. On that day, Kate Mulgrew kept the promise she made on October 24th, 2020 when The Janeway Statue was unveiled.
Kate Mulgrew’s Beautiful Smile
On that cold, socially distanced day in 2020 she made a promise that she would come visit, and that it would be a great day. She was right.
The stars aligned and we were able to have an event with Kate. So many questions had to be answered, so many problems solved to make it happen however. Unfortunately, with my back problems and job change I hadn’t been able to give what I gave to the unveiling.
Event space near the statue was expensive, prohibitively. But the old Woolery Mill, that has been revamped by One World Enterprises wasn’t. It was out of town compared to the statue and other options, but it was overly welcoming. It was there where we held an event titled “A Conversation with Kate” which was a sell out, with close to 500 in attendance. The maximum occupancy was 520.
Kate had a long day that day, driving all the way from Iowa where she is from. Arriving at the statue I’m sure she was a combination of tired and excited at the same time, as we had roughly the same audience size in attendance as we did for the unveiling. There was also plenty of media there, from Indiana Public Media, to The Bloomingtonian, our own crew that was recording and streaming the goings on via Facebook, and a few others that I didn’t know or recognize.
While at the statue, Kate gave a speech and then took some photos. Due to the size of the crowd, and an angry older lady with a walker – the situation quickly became one of fear of the security of our esteemed guest. So I, our security team and other members of the collective quickly formed a bubble and whisked Ms. Mulgrew away.
Kate and I – Photo by Jeremy Hogan
We then proceeded to the event space, where I had helped do some setup. The event began with The Nerdy Flutist, who had also played at the statue before Kate arrived. She and her friends had made some videos on Tik Tok. It was then that I knew we had to invite her for such an event. I’m very happy the collective continued my motivations.
When she was done with her set, Kate made her way to the stage. I’ll never forget Kelly’s words on the experience for her. As Kate bowed to her, it made her feel appreciated, it made her feel seen and loved. And loved she is, for just being herself.
The Captain Applauds The Flutist
After the event, we had a private dinner with Kate at The Irish Lion. I was told only the board would be present, but we had some other guests including said flutist, who sat next to me. She felt like she was in a dream that she didn’t want to wake from, and I was so happy for her. I told Kate about how the place we were having dinner was featured on the TV show Cheers, which she was on several times. It was a great day, and a great evening.
In many ways, it was the dream realized for the rag tag group of people that got together in 2019 wanting to build a statue for “our” captain.
For many of my generation, that word will forever be tied to a scene from the sitcom Friends.
I am speaking about a different kind of pivot here though. I recently pivoted my career.
Since 2008, I have worked at Indiana University in one way, shape, form as a IT support provider. For the last seven and a half years I have been the Senior Technology Support Technician for the IU School of Medicine-Bloomington.
I will forever be appreciative of that role, not just for what it provided but what it gave in return. The connections to people I can only call heroes, and the ability to afford to live in this world on my own; something many today cannot do.
Over time however, the role and the place became less friendly to a person such as myself. I was given more and more responsibility, yet when asked about an increase in my salary I was given an angry meeting with my director stating “I would never receive another pay raise.”
While the bad times had calmed down, other events happening around me told me that the environment I was in was much like the dinosaurs. The person I literally looked up to, the person I eventually was able to become professionally quit. He professed publicly on social media that he had been bullied and couldn’t stand it anymore. He then moved to New Orleans.
I was also in a position where any increases in salary were questionable at best. A change in my title would be required. So I was stuck. Do I sit and take what is given? Or do I find a new challenge that will let me expand my skills and potentially my paycheck? Employment has always been a hard subject for me, especially attaining it.
I was in luck however, as a friend told me about a job that was opening up. I reached out to the person that held the position, who gave me a great deal of information of the duties involved. I applied, and interviewed. It took a while, but I was the choice of those in the hiring committee.
It’s a large change for me, as the position is a salaried role versus the hourly lifestyle I have lived all my life. I will be receiving my first full paycheck from the position at the end of this week.
The official title is Business and Database Systems Analyst for The University Graduate School. There is no roadmap or solid tasks for the position. Each day is a learning opportunity. Many have told me that it takes about 8 months before they really know what they are doing.
In the meantime, I am also offering limited support to my old job which has thrown the vast majority of my workload onto the Nursing IT Pro, which I tried my best to keep from happening.
I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the place and the people that provided me a family when I felt as if I had none. The place that provided me opportunity at the exact time when I could have become homeless.
Now it is on to new goals, new challenges in my professional world.
My eldest princess turned 23 last week. She has decided to live a very private life, so I take whatever opportunity I can get with her. A few days before her birthday I found out that Taylor Tomlinson was going to play the Comedy Attic that weekend.
This screamed PERFECT to me. As she speaks about her hangups with anxiety, depression and even bipolar disorder in her routine. About what life is like for the 20 something crowd. There was one problem though, and that was the fact that all of her shows were sold out.
I almost got tickets for her show the night of my daughter’s birthday, but it was too late. I would have showed up late, I didn’t want that. I woke up Saturday in complete and utter pain. I just wasted the day away, figuring out what I was going to do. My little girl deserved to know her dad loves her, she deserved to know that she is my princess, and she will always deserve everything I can give her – even if she doesn’t want it.
Luck would be on my side, as I was able to score tickets to her last show of the weekend. I then had another issue, my daughter is much like her father at that age. Sleeping is hard, waking up is even harder. I wasn’t going to waste the tickets – but I was definitely worried that we weren’t going to make it in time.
She killed it, and I loved the time with my Taylor who I’ve taken to see 2 famous other Taylors now. This should be a thing that I do, and I know she appreciates it.
Last week, I followed through with something my daughter has been working towards. She and I spent a week at a “Undisclosed Location” while she attended a Nike Basketball Camp. This camp is headed by Eddie Gill, a former NBA player.
Zionsville Middle School
Amelia will be going into 7th grade and has said she wants to be serious about playing on both the Basketball and Volleyball teams. Her parents are going to do everything we can to ensure she can.
This summer she is attending a total of three camps, the aforementioned one, a volleyball camp at BNL, and a volleyball camp at Butler this coming week.
Due to the crazy increase in fuel prices, I decided to get us a hotel room for the week. I did the math and it came to literally even itself out. I’ll get back to some curiosities on that later.
Amelia made some friends, which definitely helped. There were 120 kids in this camp, which lasted from 9am until 3pm daily. She picked up some skills and some life lessons. I hope this helps her when she tries out for the Bedford Middle School Stone Cutters team.
On the first day, Eddie announced that they would have theme days. Something neither of us had considered. Her friends helped with the first one, crazy socks. We then headed off to Dick’s Sporting Goods and picked her up a headband and basketball jersey. She picked out a WNBA Indianapolis Fever one that is Stranger Things themed.
A couple of the days I showed up a little early, and saw some pleasant surprises. Each day at the end, Eddie would try to make a backwards half court shot. If he couldn’t do it in 3 attempts, he would have to do 10 push-ups. If he succeeded the kids would be the ones doing push-ups.
In our off time, we got to be father and daughter. Something we are very comfortable and good at being. We had dinner with a work friend of mine one night, the rest of the evenings we ate somewhere or just vegged in our hotel room with the snacks and microwavable foods we purchased the night we arrived. I think it was a good quiet and stress free time for the both of us.
For the last day of camp, all of the kids were provided with a shirt to wear. I had also purchased Amelia a basketball. All of the parents were told to show up earlier than usual for the closing of the camp. What I heard from Eddie made me proud that I made that choice to send her to this camp.
I provided Amelia with some sharpies and instructed her to have each coach sign the ball. I know they would appreciate it, and down the road – she will as well.
Eddie Gill signing Amelia’s basketball
I have to say, the entire Gill family is just adorable. Eddie, his children and wife all actively run the camp together. Amelia said that a person from the team that won the NCAA championship this year was there as a coach as well. She told me that she wants to go to this camp every year now. I will need to make some adjustments on our lodging, but as long as she keeps up the good work ol’ dad will fulfill her wishes as I know these camps are a way to help increase her skills.
Amelia & Eddie
I hope this is the start of something beautiful for my daughter, that she will cherish for the rest of her days. Sports have been good for her in many ways. I just want her to know that her dad will never make her feel that she is less than just because she doesn’t meat some imagined goal.
Who started out so young and strong only to surrender.
I grew up thinking I was born in the wrong time. The music, the things, the surroundings I had were not always of the age I was in. Music of the 60’s and 70’s filled my life instead of the music of the 80’s and 90’s that I was living in. To this day I’m typically twenty years behind musical changes.
My father always told me he that “saw” me in several songs from his youth. Jackson Browne’s “The Pretender” being one of them. He never explained it any further, and so I will be spending the rest of my life trying to solve the riddle he left me with.
Fate gave me a gift however, as two days prior to him coming to the area I discovered, and immediately purchased some decent seats to his show. Had dad still been with us, I would have taken him. I ended up asking 3 people, eventually going with an old work friend. I may have upended her plans for the evening, but who really wants to go to the gym over a concert?
We hadn’t seen each other in the flesh for around five years. So it was good just to be in the same space with each other again.
Back to the subject at hand, there are two lyrics that I think I’ve nailed down that my father saw in me:
“Caught between the longing for love And the struggle for the legal tender” “I’m gonna be a happy idiot And struggle for the legal tender”
I have to say, my father wasn’t necessarily wrong with his findings of his less than 10 year old son. One of my largest struggles has been the balance between love and struggling for that legal tender. Happy however? That’s one descriptor that has never suited me or my personality.
As a now almost forty two year old, the same things can be said about me. But my old mans impression of his boy will forever stick with him.
I shot a few snippets from the show, but this is the only song I shot fully. I only hope I continue to make my old man proud. I hope that he sees me from wherever he is and is proud of all that I’ve had to overcome since he left us. I hope he is proud that his son still doesn’t give up to the challenges put in his life.
In the end, these seem to be the lyrics that have pinned me, much like my old man:
“Gonna pack my lunch in the morning And go to work each day
And when the evening rolls around I’ll go on home and lay my body down And when the morning light comes streaming in I’ll get up and do it again, Amen Say it again, Amen”
While annexation in Bloomington is primarily a dead issue, areas 1A and 1B were not successful in completely squashing the attempt. They did however achieve enough verified petitions for remonstrance to have the case reviewed by a judge.
I have been keeping an eye on the social media site NextDoor, where my Township Trustee typically makes her official statements. There seemed to be an outcry of people wanting to raise funds and hire an attorney to use this final tool given to them by the state.
I told her when this all began that I would do whatever I could, whenever I could. So I began a gofundme for the explicit purpose of raising those funds, based on the leadership I had been provided by my Township Trustee.
I did not want to share this personally, this issue does not affect me directly. Legally I have no say in how this annexation goes as I am not being annexed. Sure I can have an opinion, and I do. I would rather leave opinions to the side however. I did feel that informing the local press might be a good idea though, so I reached out to a personal hero who was a journalist for a long time to seek guidance on writing a press release.
He gave me a extensive and amazing primer that I followed. I then sent it to 3 outlets, with another asking for it the next day.
This led to being interviewed by 3 news outlets and a journalism student that another friend decided he would sic on me. Thanks Leo.
The first thing to hit was the front page of the Herald-Times on March 8th, 2022.
Then, on Friday March 11th I was on WFIU and WTIU (our local PBS affiliate). They used an audio clip of me and a video clip.
Meanwhile, it appeared to me that the wind that was in the sails from the people I looked to in this entire situation had to step aside. I’m no politician and I will never understand the games they play.
I felt a large responsibility to all of those who had donated. With the help of some volunteers upwards of 30 attorneys were called. Most of which have either not returned calls or stated that they had a “conflict of interest.” The lawyer I was originally told was going to take the case had to step down for similar reasons, and another I had spoken with was relying upon a local attorney to file the case before he would become involved. There is one local attorney that several referred me to, but I have still not received any communications from him. He is apparently “the” guy for this exact situation.
If you were paying close attention to the video clip, you will notice the County Residents Against Annexation sign. I had seen them in some of the more influential and better off areas of the county, but not mine. We had our own signs. It soon become clear that they were some sort of power as people would cite them as they stated they could not longer help with this effort.
Nevertheless I persisted.
I had a phone call with the president of CRAA, who introduced herself to me by boasting about accomplishments and listing “things” she had done, overall trying to somehow impress me. It only did the opposite. She then crossed the boundary, she asked that I give them all of the funds raised in the gofundme.
This is my response to that question.
I have since received several negative messages about this organization through the gofundme. I’ve received many messages from it, I have responded to most of them in kind.
CRAA from what I know has not focused on the area I live near, but the areas ripe with cash and/or retirees. I do not know them from Adam nor will I speak on behalf of them.
I will however work with them (as difficult as it has been at times) to complete the mission, to let the residents use all tools legally available to them to stop this over reaching annexation by the city of Bloomington. An action that is really tantamount to a tax heist. When looking at the balance sheet, across the board the only org with a positive change are the city’s coffers. Even the public schools and county library will lose money. For me, that’s a non-starter.
I have not hidden behind an organization, I have used my name. In the end when dealing with community issues that is akin to putting it all on the line. The only way to be is to be honorable and moral. If I didn’t follow the will of my community members, I can literally see a “torches and pitchforks” situation occurring.
This has definitely been a very interesting experience in local political theater, reaffirming why my feelings of anarchy run deep to my core. My love for my immediate neighbors however will never fail or falter.
Less than a month after we returned from our almost month long venture in Louisiana, it was hit by a hurricane that tested all of the repairs New Orleans had made after Katrina destroyed many of the systems that keep this city from being underwater.
My friend, Bart Everson stayed to defend New Orleans, while his partner and daughter came back to where they just vacationed, my hometown. At this point, they are all seasoned New Orleanians but I was still worried.
They moved after Katrina to a nicer home, but it isn’t too far away from their old one, which had roughly 6 feet of water in it due to the levee’s failing.
Utility Room by Editor B
This is what I was worried about. This is what I was concerned about. That’s an image of the interior of their home after Katrina. Being the God like creature he is, my friend was able to score a press pass and sneak into the city while it was closed to everyone. It was then when he took this photo and cleaned out the entire first floor of his home. It was the contributing factor in the saving of the home.
Most of my concerns were relieved however, as my friend is fine. The only real damage that he knows of to their home is that their little free library was destroyed, and the TV antenna on top of their roof was taken by the hurricane winds.
Power was restored to their home yesterday, but half a million are still without power. He announced shortly after we left that he is running for city council in New Orleans, on his platform that has awed and inspired me for decades. One of living with nature, instead of against it as we have for hundreds of years.
He posted this right before the hurricane hit
This man has been an inspiration to me since I was literally 11 years old. Even though that inspiration has shifted from star struck wonder to that of true friendship, it amazes me that he is able to still be that beacon of light to me. I would vote for him if I were able.
The Crescent City has wooed me with her charms, and shaken up so many things that were cores to my beliefs. Bart moved there because he couldn’t stand the cold, I’m oddly comfortable there because I have issues with midwestern heat.
My thoughts and my heart are with all of those in the south and northeast who were affected by Hurricane Ida.
After our glorious evening at the Westin hotel in Huntsville, we headed due south with a destination of Montgomery Alabama. No, we weren’t there to see something about the Bus Boycotts, or any other historical site. We were simply there to see a friend outside of town.
That friend is Hank Williams, who is buried just outside of town.
The grave of Hank Williams, and his wife Audrey Williams.
For those who don’t know, Hank Williams is often times referred to as the godfather of country music. Before him was Jimmy Rodgers, the real question to me is who he passed the torch to exactly. Growing up as I did, one side of my family listened to old school country, where the other was all classic rock & roll.
You’re probably curious about the AstroTurf. The story goes that upon Williams’ death (which is a tale of the trouble with the life of a music star) fans would come to his grave and take blades of grass, to the point where no grass ever grew there.
In-between his parents graves, Hank Williams, Jr. (a country music star of his own right) placed a plaque asking visitors to be respectful.
Alan Jackson forever memorialized this spot in his song “Midnight in Montgomery.”
It’s actually the reason why the title of this post is “A Friend Outside of Town.” This song had a tremendous impact on my views of music that came before me, and when I really dug deep into the genre.
I had to take the opportunity to give personal thanks to a man who directly and indirectly impacted the way music has touched my life. Music that continues to impact people’s lives around the world.
We then continued on our way to New Orleans, where we spent the evening with my friends in their home. They left the next morning.
This week has been full of accomplishments for me as the president of The Janeway Collective.
I was working on a couple of things at the same time that came out beautifully. I will write about each one separately.
May 20th is the birthday of our namesake. A date we decided based upon a listing in the library of congress. It was one of our first points of order actually, as an “exact” date was not set in stone as it is now.
We wanted to have a celebration much like our unveiling but unfortunately were unable to; partially due to the pandemic but also due to our other goings on. But we had a couple of things in mind. To petition the City of Bloomington to declare the day Janeway Day, and to ask persons attached to the show to give the captain some birthday greetings. We accomplished that goal.
The Video
With our former “Media Director” firmly banned from the Collective, it was on me to put together an easily digestible video for our fans, and fans of the good captain. While I certainly have the skills to edit video, I have never considered myself an editor. More of a “cut and chop” guy that fixes errors or removes flaws.
When we received the first two of four videos we received; I was given inspiration by the singing of “Happy birthday.” The song has built in pauses, which give an opportunity. Everyone knows that song. To most, just a video of that would be quite boring, not entertaining. So I intertwined a portion of each clip in those pauses. Nothing fancy; but it really didn’t need to be.
I then had to do some work on our logo for the credits at the end. Our existing logo, created by the aforementioned Media Director, was only suitable for display on white/light backgrounds. I was using a black one. I knew how to invert colors in Photoshop but it became far more complex than the video editing. The red in our logo spilled over into other areas, something I still need to touch up actually. Thankfully it was not noticeable however.
We released the video on her birthday, and I felt proud. The response was overwhelmingly positive. I even sent it to the man to whom I’ve always considered the standard to be judged by with regards to video editing, Editor B.
The actress who played Captain Janeway, Kate Mulgrew liked it so much that she asked the Collective to tweet it so she could re-tweet it. I felt honored. While it wasn’t my words, or my voice, it was my work.
Without further ado, I present to you the video:
Kathryn Janeway Day
Several of us have connections to people on the Bloomington City (common) council. In early April I reached out to my friend and contact, Steve Volan about it. The council had just dealt with some heavy issues and he told me now was not a good time. To wait a few weeks and ask again. So I did.
I also found a “proclamation” template and filled it out accordingly. Steve suggested some edits; which were completely understandable and made. He said he would be in touch. I then waited; somewhat impatiently. We wanted to be able to announce this, but we had to know. We didn’t know proper procedure, and we didn’t want to do anything that would upset the city in this regard.
The night of May 19th, I watched the live stream of the city council meeting; but I did not see a word of the proclamation. My only other experience with such matters was pre-pandemic and was announced at the meeting itself. I assumed the same would happen.
The morning of May 21st, as I woke up I found an email from Steve, with a scanned PDF of the proclamation attached with an invitation to city hall to pickup a physical version.
YES! We had done it. I told Steve how appreciative I was, as he and I have had a rough personal history due to the previous annexation issue that I wrote about previously. I only hope I have continued to show him that I am his friend even if we disagree on some local political points of view.
I picked up the physical copy the same day
The Collective is going through a major stage in transformation right now, as we work on the foundation of being our own non-profit. These things are a definite boost to not just morale but goodwill.
