Lighting Fires

My date over the weekend was rescheduled to be on Sunday, but that’s okay. I didn’t feel well at all Saturday. To the point where I had to take some pain meds and just let the day sail away on me. I missed the finishing of a friends documentary production, and the luau, but that’s okay as well. Listening to my body, and what it tells me is important.

I wanted to pick her up, but she was running errands near the location of the date so we met there instead. I thought I would get there a little early, but due to traffic I showed up almost on time – and she was already there again. Gah! Make mental note to be there even earlier next time as to not keep a lady in waiting.

We shared a wonderful meal together, along with wonderful and intellectual conversation. In our conversations she called herself a flower, who’s petals slowly bloom. I finally started to see some blooming happening.

She’s a student, with her research focused on cultural musical rhythms, and how they affect the brain. I find that fascinating. She sings opera, and has done musical theater! Be still my heart <3. When we began communicating, I had given her the URL of my website, and she let me in on the fact that she’s been reading along (Hey there, I see you 😉 ). The fact that my writings regarding my healing, and my ex didn’t run her off meant mountains to me. We talked a little about our thoughts and dreams of the future, of which I can see a shared vision between us. This date was definitely more intimate than the first one, where I felt like a blabbering fool entertaining a princess at court.

As the date ended, I walked her to her car and as if a whisper in the wind spoke to me, I kissed her. It didn’t end with a simple kiss however, oh no. There we stood, in the middle of a mall parking lot, passionately kissing and holding each other for a time I didn’t record. A time that felt so long but in reality was so short. It was beautiful, it was magical, and it was something that had been ramping up in our conversations with each other.

While wrapped up in each other she paused to say, “I really need to get my work done.” It brought a smile to my face, as time with her has been extremely limited. Something I yearn for more of, but understand because she really is a quite busy person.

So a fire has been lit, I look forward to seeing all parts of it. The smoke, the flame, the ash.

I Had a Feeling

I knew the highs of the last few days wouldn’t continue forever, and as I suspected I was right. But you know what? It’s okay, and it will be okay. What’s meant to be will, and I should not concern myself with things I cannot control. It does no good for me or my well being.

I had a wonderful night last night at the Falling in Reverse concert with my ex fiancee. A band I wouldn’t have known about or liked if it wasn’t for her. I told her that she was my conduit for this genre of music, as it’s the truth. I always liked the contrast between our musical styles.

Before the show, I snapped this photo of us. It will probably be the last photo of us together.

Both of us have changed significantly since we started hanging out as friends in 2016. I losing hair and going grey, while she lost a large amount of weight.

The first picture I have of her and I

The show was amazing, and I’m happy I went. For a while we even had a mosh pit in front of us. There were 5 bands that played, and each one put on one hell of a performance. Especially Blackveil Brides and Falling in Reverse.

Today she messaged me that she’s working on fixing things with her new guy, and because of that we can no longer really talk or hang out. I kind of saw this coming, and I understand but am filled with sadness from it.

We had spent 3 lovely evenings together, working on repairing the damages of the past and forging a new version of a friendship. I’m thankful that I had the opportunity of those 3 evenings instead of nothing at all. One of her last texts to me read, “I’m sorry maybe one day.” I hope so too Lyndsey.

This isn’t a purely sad post however, as just as the night was filled with darkness, the girl I went on a date with on Sunday texted me. It’s as if she has a sense that some words from her would be helpful to my mood. She and I seem to be getting closer and closer in a way I’ve never felt or experienced with another. It’s exciting and a literal breath of fresh air. She’s a very busy girl, so I take all of her in while I can. Our next date is planned for this Saturday, a Luau. I cannot wait, and from what it seems like, neither can she.

The future is bright, I just have to keep seizing opportunities as they come.