A classmate passed away. I only knew because another classmate let me in on the news. Thank you Erika. I have said for a long time, and I will repeat it here – they are my people. I only want them to be happy and healthy. While I didn’t know her personally, I instantly recognized the name. My ex-fiancee did know this girl. Due to her currently not having any transportation – I took her to the funeral.
It appeared as if she and I were the only people there who were not close family. This broke my heart for Anya and her family. Lyndsey spoke with her mother and father, showing them a photo of them during a sleepover when we were teenagers. Over the years we were together she has had many people who were in her life pass away, but she had never shown her pain, her tears like this.
They were extremely appreciative and grateful for us coming. It made me realize just how large small gestures can be. How much of an impact you can make by just showing up. Funerals are for the living, in a time of great grief.
May you rest in peace Anya. You faced so many difficulties in your time on Earth and brought joy to the lives of those you touched along the way. I hope that joy is not forgotten by those you knew, those you loved.
Anya Ann Vieira, age 43, originally of Bloomington, passed away peacefully at 2:00 pm on Thursday, September 26, 2024, at her home in Bloomfield with her loving service companion “Yuki” the malamute at her side. She was born in Bloomington, IN on October 12, 1980, the daughter of Martin Leonard & Diana Lynn (Allgood) Vieira.
She was a 1998 graduate of Owen Valley High School. She attended dental assistant school in Indianapolis and received a Bachelor’s Degree from Saint Mary of the Woods College. She enjoyed hiking, organizing and spending time with her family. Anya suffered from birth with a long list of debilitating illnesses.
Anya is survived by her loving parents; sister, Tina Hershberger of Las Vegas; nephew, Anthony Coovert; niece, Ashley Coovert as well as several aunts, uncles and cousins.
She was preceded in death by her paternal grandparents, Leonard and Ethel Vieira as well as her maternal grandparents, Frank and Mary Allgood.
Funeral service will be held at 1:00 pm at Welch & Cornett Funeral Home in Worthington on Friday, October 4, 2024 with Pastor Terry Dowell officiating. Burial will follow at Dixon Cemetery in Worthington.
Visitation will be held at the funeral home on Friday from 11:00 am until the time of service.
In lieu of flowers memorial contributions may be made to the Noblesville Humane Society or the American Cancer Society through the funeral home.
I knew the highs of the last few days wouldn’t continue forever, and as I suspected I was right. But you know what? It’s okay, and it will be okay. What’s meant to be will, and I should not concern myself with things I cannot control. It does no good for me or my well being.
I had a wonderful night last night at the Falling in Reverse concert with my ex fiancee. A band I wouldn’t have known about or liked if it wasn’t for her. I told her that she was my conduit for this genre of music, as it’s the truth. I always liked the contrast between our musical styles.
Before the show, I snapped this photo of us. It will probably be the last photo of us together.
Both of us have changed significantly since we started hanging out as friends in 2016. I losing hair and going grey, while she lost a large amount of weight.
The first picture I have of her and I
The show was amazing, and I’m happy I went. For a while we even had a mosh pit in front of us. There were 5 bands that played, and each one put on one hell of a performance. Especially Blackveil Brides and Falling in Reverse.
Today she messaged me that she’s working on fixing things with her new guy, and because of that we can no longer really talk or hang out. I kind of saw this coming, and I understand but am filled with sadness from it.
We had spent 3 lovely evenings together, working on repairing the damages of the past and forging a new version of a friendship. I’m thankful that I had the opportunity of those 3 evenings instead of nothing at all. One of her last texts to me read, “I’m sorry maybe one day.” I hope so too Lyndsey.
This isn’t a purely sad post however, as just as the night was filled with darkness, the girl I went on a date with on Sunday texted me. It’s as if she has a sense that some words from her would be helpful to my mood. She and I seem to be getting closer and closer in a way I’ve never felt or experienced with another. It’s exciting and a literal breath of fresh air. She’s a very busy girl, so I take all of her in while I can. Our next date is planned for this Saturday, a Luau. I cannot wait, and from what it seems like, neither can she.
The future is bright, I just have to keep seizing opportunities as they come.
This weekend really was good to me, and I appreciate all that life is giving to me right now.
I had a date yesterday with someone I met on a dating website. She and I had been chatting for a while, but it was our first time meeting. I was nervous as she’s younger than me. We met at the Runciple Spoon, a place I adore but don’t go to that often. It was a bright and beautiful day. I felt like I did most of the talking, but she seemed to enjoy it. We ended our brunch date agreeing to swap phone numbers and to have a second date. I gave her a hug and we parted ways.
I came back home, still tired from the day before and sent her a message with my phone number, telling her that she could text me.
I then proceeded to fall asleep and wait for the concert I was going to see, Soul Asylum, Live and Stone Temple Pilots. 3 HUGE bands from my youth. My ex was going to be there, but after the night we had together I thought everything would be okay.
I had a ticket in the pavilion, right behind the pit. It was a great seat BUT I was surrounded by dudes. Once the lights came on I had to retreat, as they would have caused me to have a seizure if I had stayed there.
So I retreated and sat with my ex fiancee, her daughter and her friend for the rest of the show. Sure the views weren’t as good – but the company was better. The whole concert I was thinking about that date, and wondering if I’d hear back from her. With so many people ghosting me out of the blue, I assumed it would be the same thing – but it wasn’t! She texted me as I was leaving!
Tonight I have another concert, Falling in Reverse. A show the ex fiancee and I were going to go to before everything fell apart between she and I. I’m happy we are going to be able to go. I’ve missed music, I’ve missed concerts.
I felt lost for so long, but now it definitely feels as if things are looking upward in my life. I’m just going to keep taking things as they come, and appreciating the good things as they have been so far and few between.
We just setup our next date, a Luau put on by a dear friend who has helped me through some of the darkest times of my life including the recent break-up.
The day started with a hiccup, but I was able to turn it around and really feel like I seized the day.
Amelia had a volleyball game at 10am. I set an alarm as I’ve been having problems sleeping – but it didn’t go off! I woke up and it was too late to make it. Thankfully, a mom on the team live streams the games, so I was at least able to watch.
Then, as I started off on my motorcycle for a ride to see a friend in Terre Haute, I ran out of gas less than a mile away from home. I’m thankful for my neighbor and my mom for both offering their assistance in making sure my motorcycle didn’t get hit, and I could get the gas to make the trip.
It was a lovely ride to my friends place. I hadn’t rode to Terre Haute before. I’ve went through thick and thin with this friend. It had been a while since I had seen her and I needed the wind therapy. It was good to see her, her dad, her guy and the updates she’s making to her home.
While there, I was texting with my ex fiancee. She was going to go out shooting today, but was stood up. I was having so much fun with the wind therapy that I asked if she wanted to go out for a ride too. We hadn’t seen each other since May. She accepted, so we rode out to Nashville and back. Went and had dinner and then shot pool for a few hours.
It was a pleasure to finally see her, to talk to her, and to start mending the bridges I burned with her. It showed me that my emotional state is stable again. I hope this can be the beginning of the second chapter of she and I, whatever form it develops as.
The breakup with my fiancee was the hardest thing I’ve ever went through emotionally in my life. It turned my Scorpio tendencies on fire. Sadness, which fueled anger in an endless cycle that didn’t care about it’s victims.
It burned all of my bridges with her, and her children. The last time I spoke with her she said “I don’t want anything to do with you for the rest of my life.” Even though at this point I was as equally done with her, it hurt to the core. I never imagined the person whom I honestly think I will call “the love of my life, and the one that got away” would say such a thing. But I deserved those comments from the actions I pulled, which I will not repeat or explain.
This week fate had a way of opening that locked door. I had concert tickets – but nobody to go with. So I was going to give them to her, she already had 2. Let her have the fun. I reached out not knowing she had blocked cellular communications and emails from me. But she had just unblocked me before I emailed her and asked about it.
It’s clear that she really didn’t like how things were between us either, and did those things to protect herself. I miss my best friend, the best friend I’ve ever had. That’s all I want.
It’s so strange, because as we’ve talked it’s felt like just when she and I began to talk in early 2016. It feels good to my soul too. I only hope we continue to make progress and build the deeply built trust that was between us. I want this “new” period to be healthy, with boundaries that build respect and mutual appreciation with forgiveness of the past.
The only thing my soul wants is peace, having her back in my life in whatever manner is comfortable for her will help achieve that peace.
Eight years ago, I was on an adventure with a friend who ended up lighting the fire of passion within my soul.
It all started because my baby cousins were getting married in Oklahoma, and I hadn’t made the drive in a while solo. My ex wife, concerned with my history of having seizures asked me to see if someone would go with me. I sure found someone. I asked her simply because she was a friend who had the opportunity, but before we left we had become a couple.
It was a true adventure. One that I’ve been trying to have again ever since. I got pulled over twice within 30 minutes between Kansas and Nebraska. We saw the “Sand Hills”, Carhenge, went to Rushmore and camped with many who were protesting the installation of a pipeline at Standing Rock, at the Sacred Stone camp. Stopping at the Mall of America just for a potty break in a rush home because I was out of time off work.
We woke up and the temperature had dropped 30 degrees, her nose was “frozed” so we found some hoodies at a Dollar General to stay warm.
I’ll forever miss her and our times together. She opened my mind and my eyes to things I will always adore, enjoy and appreciate. There was a fatal flaw in our relationship however, even though she loved me in all the ways I dreamed of ever being loved, I didn’t know how to give that back to her. In the end, it’s why she left.
It’s unlikely our souls will ever intertwine again, and that’s the saddest truth here.
There’s a reason why I haven’t written in a long time. I need to get back to it. It may help me in the way I need right now in my life.
ACT I
Suddenly and without warning to my brain and heart at the time, my fiancee and partner of almost 8 years left me at the beginning of April. Throwing me into a free fall of emotional and financial turmoil. Her chief complaints? That I never respected her, or her feelings. We hung out as friends for a bit, but it only hurt me more. I would cry like a baby every time we parted ways. It just made me hope she would reconsider. I wish that was the end of the hurt, but it wasn’t. It was the way in which she decided to completely change that did me in. It made me feel as if all of our time together was nothing but a play, where she played a role and never gave me her legitimate self or heart.
I said and did many things to irrevocably destroy any sense of repairing a friendship with her. I struggle with that at times, but she’s done the same to people she’s known even longer than me during this time as well. If anything, it’s brought me closer with people I never thought I would be close to.
Over the months I’ve had time to really think about it though, and it’s clear things would have ended sooner or later. She like my ex-wife, needs “acts of service” to be shown love. In her case a caregiver in many ways. Not a partner. Something I just could not provide her. Her health is a mess, everything was a complication. Our living styles didn’t align either.
I loved her, and gave to her like I hadn’t ever before. Everyone else in my life says she used me, and I believe them now. I gave everything I could, but in the end there would never be enough because it’s not what she wanted.
ACT II
The phrase “It’s best to get over someone by getting under someone new” is quite apt for me. Why? Because in my life, it’s what has worked. I tend to go with what works instead of trying new and/or different solutions to problems.
I had been speaking with someone, we will call her L1 that I had apparently made a connection with in the past. She didn’t want me to know her identity as she was afraid of being “outed” for her preferences. She started it all by recognizing what I was going through and offering her ear. It then quickly transitioned into us becoming play partners for a time, while she wore a mask to keep her identity a secret.
She gave me the most memorable, amazing and fulfilling experience I’ve had with BDSM before. She made it easy to give her the things she wanted, and she made that experience satisfying and fulfilling. Something my ex just couldn’t do.
But I wanted more than she was willing to provide, so I began trying to date. Eventually I met a wonderful lady that we will call L2. Our first date lasted 8 hours! There was excitement, there was chemistry and there was possibility.
There was a problem though. L1 caught wind of L2 and got very jealous of the attention she was getting from me, and wanted it for herself. During my 2nd date with L2, L1 texted and called me incessantly. All but begging me not to continue seeing her, go all the way with her, etc.
I was stuck. I’ve never been a ladies man. I’ve never had a choice when it came to the opposite sex. So I did something I never thought I’d do. I left L2 in a hotel room and drove halfway across my state to be with L1. We laid in her bed until she had to go to work and tried to talk through these things.
We ended up going on a couple of dates, and things were looking up. That was until my phone broke while on a trip visiting my sister. L1 instantly thought I was with L2 because I wasn’t answering her texts.
Because of this, I essentially begged L2 to take me back. Which she did for a while until she ghosted me without warning, then blocked me from all social media. I’ll never understand, and I’ve quit trying to. It’ll only confuse me more.
I’ve felt like up is down and left is right this summer. I’ve found things I enjoy, things I dislike, and things my heart truly misses.
ACT III
For almost a year and a half, my best friend and his son have been living in my home. They had been evicted from the apartment they shared with his brother and wife and were going to be homeless. There are few people in the world I would do anything for, but they are on that list.
It hasn’t been sunshine and roses. Most of the time they didn’t help me out financially or in any other ways. My best friend, a really bad alcoholic with diabetes would drink pretty much any of the alcohol I would buy for myself before I had a chance to even drink it. It was frustrating beyond measure.
But at least they had a home, a place to rest, a place to shower, a place where they could be comfortable.
July 23rd was a normal and unusual day it seemed. I went to work, came home and thought they were both gone. The son working at Walmart, the best friend driving around doing Lyft. But I was wrong. As I sat in my living room watching TV, my best friend was deceased in my basement. It wasn’t until his son came home and I heard “dad, dad, dad, DAD, DAAAAAADDDDDD” that I knew what was up.
He slowly crept upstairs and asked me to call 911, in a broken voice. And so I did. The operator asked me to check on him, to see if CPR or other life saving measures could be done, but he was icy to the touch. He was gone. This began the parade of Sheriff’s, Firefighter’s, EMTs, and finally the Coroner.
I did what had to be done, as he had nothing that would help with his final expenses. I contacted my Township Trustee (who I know very well) to handle getting him cremated. I then started a GoFundMe, so he could have a place with his mom, grandma and grandpa. Thankfully the generosity was enough to cover all of the actual expenses and get my best friend a marker that he would even be proud of, with his beloved WWE logo on it.
This is a draft the place just sent me the other day. The boys decided on some minor changes. It’s the least I could do for the person I knew literally all of my life.
Then, 2 days after the death of my best friend my stepbrother also passed away. Our parents married when I was 6. I looked up to him from day 1. While we were never close, he was always an influence. He was the person that let me know my dad had died. Dad and him always had a contemptuous relationship, and it bothered Shan that he didn’t try to see the good in my dad.
He was one of the first people I called about Mike passing, as they were good friends. We had talked about going to a concert together. He and I saw the Rolling Stones in Chicago in June, just different shows. It turns out that’ll be the closest thing I’ll get to going to a show with my stepbrother.
Epilogue
With so much loss, for the first time in my life I’m seriously considering packing it all up and going elsewhere. The only question at this time is where that place will be. I need to stay somewhat close since Amelia is still in school, but the opportunities are open for many places. I need new experiences with new places, and new walls that don’t haunt me.
October 23rd, 2022 was a grand day for Star Trek, Bloomington & The Janeway Collective. On that day, Kate Mulgrew kept the promise she made on October 24th, 2020 when The Janeway Statue was unveiled.
Kate Mulgrew’s Beautiful Smile
On that cold, socially distanced day in 2020 she made a promise that she would come visit, and that it would be a great day. She was right.
The stars aligned and we were able to have an event with Kate. So many questions had to be answered, so many problems solved to make it happen however. Unfortunately, with my back problems and job change I hadn’t been able to give what I gave to the unveiling.
Event space near the statue was expensive, prohibitively. But the old Woolery Mill, that has been revamped by One World Enterprises wasn’t. It was out of town compared to the statue and other options, but it was overly welcoming. It was there where we held an event titled “A Conversation with Kate” which was a sell out, with close to 500 in attendance. The maximum occupancy was 520.
Kate had a long day that day, driving all the way from Iowa where she is from. Arriving at the statue I’m sure she was a combination of tired and excited at the same time, as we had roughly the same audience size in attendance as we did for the unveiling. There was also plenty of media there, from Indiana Public Media, to The Bloomingtonian, our own crew that was recording and streaming the goings on via Facebook, and a few others that I didn’t know or recognize.
While at the statue, Kate gave a speech and then took some photos. Due to the size of the crowd, and an angry older lady with a walker – the situation quickly became one of fear of the security of our esteemed guest. So I, our security team and other members of the collective quickly formed a bubble and whisked Ms. Mulgrew away.
Kate and I – Photo by Jeremy Hogan
We then proceeded to the event space, where I had helped do some setup. The event began with The Nerdy Flutist, who had also played at the statue before Kate arrived. She and her friends had made some videos on Tik Tok. It was then that I knew we had to invite her for such an event. I’m very happy the collective continued my motivations.
When she was done with her set, Kate made her way to the stage. I’ll never forget Kelly’s words on the experience for her. As Kate bowed to her, it made her feel appreciated, it made her feel seen and loved. And loved she is, for just being herself.
The Captain Applauds The Flutist
After the event, we had a private dinner with Kate at The Irish Lion. I was told only the board would be present, but we had some other guests including said flutist, who sat next to me. She felt like she was in a dream that she didn’t want to wake from, and I was so happy for her. I told Kate about how the place we were having dinner was featured on the TV show Cheers, which she was on several times. It was a great day, and a great evening.
In many ways, it was the dream realized for the rag tag group of people that got together in 2019 wanting to build a statue for “our” captain.
Almost two weeks ago I received a call from my uncle in Michigan. It was bad news. My aunt Marty was in the hospital and it didn’t look like she would recover.
Marty flippin’ my dad the bird, circa late 80’s.
I told him that I would be there the next day. After clearing things with my new job, I hit the road. A journey I hadn’t made in eight years. Shortly behind me was my girlfriend. She stayed behind as we were not sure if Amelia wanted to come.
My favorite sign from their house.
My aunt and uncle moved to Michigan in 1995 from Greenfield, where they had the largest house I had ever stayed in. Their employer had been bought out and they were offered jobs in Detroit, or they could find new jobs and stay. They decided to go.
My dad’s trusty Blazer with my uncle showing off his new house.
She worked in the branches eventually becoming an Associate Vice President of the bank before her retirement. Always firey, always full of attitude. I know why my uncle fell in love with her.
She has a son, who was on Jeopardy at one point. In all these years, I’ve yet to meet him however.
I arrived; and my uncle and I immediately went to the hospital. It was bad. I was suddenly confronted with the reason why I missed out on several family members passing. After going through what happened with my grandfather, I could no longer go to such situations. I had to, my uncle suddenly had no other family. He needed someone to be there for him; and I was going to make sure he wasn’t alone.
Sadly, my aunt didn’t make it. Her condition only eroded until she passed away on 9/11/2022 at 5:30pm.
Her attitude, her voice and her humor formed the basis of why I love women the way I do. Her ferocity towards all things are why I love women who refuse to apologize for being their honest selves. I had no other symbols of female power as close to me as she was in my family.
I will forever miss you Marty. You made this little boy love women just like you.
If you follow this blog, you may wonder why it’s been so long since there have been any new posts made. There are several reasons, but primarily because my entire household has been dealing with COVID for the last three months.
At first it was the youngest of the household, Kira. She had been sick for a while but none of us suspected COVID. Then the following day, I began to have post nasal drip and a sore throat. I tested positive on a home test, and proceeded to be in a state of semi conciousness for several days. As soon as I felt safe enough to drive I scheduled a PCR test at CVS. It confirmed what we all knew.
This silly variant would not let go of my body. For a period of 3 weeks I would travel to the same CVS to get the same PCR test every few days. I did not want to be a cause of spread, even though the FDA recommendations as well as IU’s were to quarantine for 5 days, and you were free to return to activities if you had no fever for 24 hours.
Then, our Queen was hit with it. Already dealing with sickness and pains that had kept her in bed for months; she was to stay there some more. She however, decided to seek treatment where I and her daughter did not. She received the anti-viral mediciation Paxlovid.
Our Queen is special you see. If there is a side effect, she usually receives it. If it can be an allergen, she probably has an allergy to it. This makes any situation with health related issues difficult at best.
Thankfully she took it in stride for the most part, she was unable to take her medication for anxiety and had a weird taste in her mouth due to the Paxlovid.
We are all for the most part better now. Kira seemed to pickup another cold of sorts, and Lyndsey and I continue to carry on with our various back and other issues due to the case of getting old.
