For the past two weeks I have kept going back to this Taylor Swift song.
The key part being this verse:
“I should not be left to my own devices
They come with prices and vices
I end up in crisis (tale as old as time)
I wake up screaming from dreaming
One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving
‘Cause you got tired of my scheming”
On Sunday April 7th, 2024 my fiancée and partner of almost 8 years left me. She’s cited various reasons that I won’t be listing here.
Just to restate some lyrics from that song, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me
At tea time, everybody agrees.”
I’m not writing this for sympathy. I’m not writing this as a victim of loss. I’m writing this to get public thoughts out.
I have a problem listening to those I love. Especially those called “the love of my life.” I failed to respect her feelings, losing her heart, soul, and love. Our friendship got lost along the way, and I feel that played a major role in her decision to leave.
I must and will better myself, and for myself. I will be seeing a counselor very soon. I am working on resolving my longstanding back issues. I am going to the gym and doing my best to lead an active lifestyle compared to how my life has been over the last three years. I’m reading like I never have before, trying to improve myself and to learn more about why things went how they did so I may avoid this ever happening in the future.
I am using my support network and creating new connections and looking forward. Life is a hard mix of optimism and sadness. Like many things however, this too shall pass.