Those who don’t have a deep knowledge of NASCAR won’t understand, but this has been the year of Petty for me. You see, the “king” of NASCAR is Richard Petty, and the number of his car? 43, my current age.
As with time, it has came and it is about to go. I have done many petty things during this year. Things I’ll never repeat electronically. Things I regret immensely. But through those things, I’ve learned many lessons.
I’ve learned to not let my emotions control my physical actions. I’ve learned that the feelings that I may be feeling at any moment in time will pass. That those feelings are telling me something, something I need to tune into and learn from. I’ve learned that my mood is much better with positivity instead of my normal pessimistic negative inclinations.
I’ve had a lot of darkness enter my life this year. The loss of a person I thought I would die with, the loss of my best friend and then the loss of my stepbrother. Dealing with a parent that seemed to only care about her own interests and not of her children’s, the list goes on and on. That darkness consumed me for a while, feeding the side of me that doesn’t care.
When I don’t care, all bets are off. Breaking laws? Whatever. Jail or prison? I could use a change of scenery. Use your imagination to think of the path that can lead me down. It’s very dark, very twisted and a place where light doesn’t exist.
That care however? That’s what makes me, me in many ways. That care is why I would buy a friend a futon because her ex took her couch. That care is why I always listen to others, even if their complaints are about me. That care is why my compassion for others is never ending. That care is why I ran a business not based on how much I could make, but focused on how many people I could help. That care is why helping people is a core value of mine, regardless of my own personal benefit.
Through a lot of soul searching, journaling, therapy and other things I have been able to see how much that care brings a genuine smile on my face.
Bye bye petty! I had fun with you while you were around, but from here on out I don’t have room for you and what you do to me in my life.