I Can’t Keep Up

Ever since the beginning of this pandemic, work has been full of changes on a level I’ve never seen before. It’s been almost impossible to keep up with the continual questions from those who depend on me, I’m learning as they are.

Personally, it’s been much of the same. Nothing I want to disclose at this point, but with my dad’s birthday coming up my normal strengths have become weaknesses.

I had to do something about it, and I couldn’t fight the need to flight – so I packed my stuff and went home. I spent the weekend in an odd state of consciousness, not living just existing. I hoped to get a lot of things done, and a friend offered his assistance – but the weather had other plans. I told him to not make the trek, I didn’t want him out in the rain like that.

I decided to start therapy again, it’s a helpful tool that I’ve used throughout my entire life. Perhaps there is something there I’m not exactly seeing that is causing all of this to just be too much.

I wasn’t even excited about picking up my youngest daughter on Sunday, something that typically changes my mood 180 degrees every time.

I know the subject of my father with my therapist made me weep uncontrollably. So it’s quite possible that’s the ticket, grief.

I took off work today, and took the trash and recycling off. I also sent the master cylinder I bought for the Jeep back. I then changed the oil, did laundry and put it away, then put my dishes away. The dishes have been done for a week, just sitting in the dishwasher waiting to be put away.

I accomplished some things today. That’s always something to be proud of right?

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